Tim Nixon pops up with a claim that Michael Jackson is as underwhelmed by the idea of fifty nights as we are:
The ailing King Of Pop is now panicking he's not physically strong enough to cope with the gruelling schedule, insisting his small appetite makes it hard for him to perform.
He's blaming his small appetite? Why, was he planning to do Thriller while eating a bucket of clams? Or has "I have a small appetite" now become a catch-all euphemism.
Sadly, Gordon hi'self doesn't pop up to offer us any guidance on this one, because he's been busy elsewhere:
KASABIAN played a breathtaking show for their devoted army of hometown fans on Sunday night - turning a peaceful, sunny evening into a sweaty rock riot.
Yes, Gordo went off to see his beloved Kasabian. And, surprisingly, he hated it.
No, of course he didn't:
SERGE PIZZORNO, TOM MEIGHAN, IAN MATTHEWS, JAY MEHLER, CHRIS EDWARDS and BEN KEALY proved they are one of the best live bands around.
IT WAS SO GRATE THAT I TYPED EVERYONE OF THE BAND'S NAME IN CAPITALS!!!!1! And not in a "I am incapable of filing a decent review and so will fill up the space by listing the band members" way, oh no.
A great light show, tight musicianship with Tom, without doubt the best frontman of his generation, conducting the hooligan choir is something to savour.
These boys are a band at the top of their game, on course to join Britain's rock elite.
It's unclear if, when he submitted this review, Gordon also handed in a drawing of the band playing their instruments. But I suspect he may well have done.