Gordon in the morning: Guys and roles

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World:

I’m your guy for Guys, Guy

Gordon announces that Justin Timberlake is going to star in a movie film:

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE has given GUY RITCHIE his word that he will star in one of the Lock Stock director’s next big film projects.

The pair shook hands over a whisky at the Punch Bowl pub in Mayfair on Monday night after discussing the blockbusters Guy has on the horizon.

The idea of Guy Ritchie having a blockbuster on the horizon is one of those concepts - like Gordon Brown looking forward to a landslide election victory - that can only exist if there really are parallel universes. But do carry on, Gordon - what role is Justin being lined up for?

The list includes a big-screen version of musical Guys And Dolls which would suit Justin perfectly as well as a huge remake of the classic war film Wild Geese.

So it's just a case he's going to be in Guys and Dolls. It could just as easily be I'm your guy for Geese, guys, then?

Incidentally: Guys and Dolls and Wild Geese? Ritchie really doesn't have an original thought left, does he? Has he now taken to careering round Blockbuster grabbing DVDs at random to come up with his next projects? Is there a chance he's pitching a remake of Vicky Entwistle's WOW workout?

Gordon - who is perhaps the last person in the world who is interested in Ritchie's work - is throbbing with excitement:

I have no doubt big studios like Warner Bros, who work closely with Guy, would be more than happy to sign a fat cheque for Justin’s services.

Oh, yes. Making a film nobody wants to see even more expensive. Who could turn down such a compelling offer?

He would be a nailed-on box office hit if he had the chance.

You're nailing what on the where, Gordon?

It turns out that Gordon is an equally big fan of Justin's movie work. He was in Alpha Dog, you know. And... well, surely he's done something else, hasn't he, Gordon?

his comedy role as Jacques “Le Coq” Grande in Love Guru was pretty impressive too.

Meanwhile, Gordon gets Tim Nixon to write up the Madonna nudes, with the pair excited that "we;ve got the snaps."

Yes, Gordon. The Sun has run these before, though, hasn't it? So long ago, it was when I was doing a paper round. I know Smart often runs stories that are out of date - but surely he's never repeated 25 year old stuff before, has he?