Gordon in the morning: She's back, back, back. Oh god.

Amy Winehouse has come back home - good news for News International, who can gather infomration about her so much more cheaply now she's just a taxi drive away.

And how is she, as she gets off an international flight, Gordon?

The boozy songbird looked freckled but fragile after jetting into Gatwick airport from St Lucia.

Freckled but fragile? What does that even mean?

A source said: "At one point Amy had toyed with the idea of permanently relocating to St Lucia but that's no longer the case."

I'm presuming "toyed with idea" means "Gordon said she was going to" in this instance. But you've got to admire the quality of the information that Smart has access to - a source who can reveal that she's not staying in St Lucia just a few hours after she's got her luggage off the Gatwick carousel.

Gordon points out that it's been three years now since she last released a proper record:

Much more delay and all the focus will be on her hell-raising rather than her music. And we wouldn't want that, would we... ?

Ha ha! Imagine, eh, Gordon, if she was releasing music rather than slowly and publicly killing herself with drink and drugs. Just imagine.

Elsewhere, Ronnie Wood's former brother-in-law has done a picture which shows Wood drinking blood from a young virgin's neck. Thereby, at a stroke, making Twilight no longer the world's most juvenile vampire story.

[Paul Karslake] The painter said: "I don't hate the bloke, but I am very annoyed with him.

"Ron's a vampire, all those Rolling Stones guys are. They stay up all night and sleep all day."

Actually, that doesn't necessarily make them vampires. Sleeping all day and being active at night makes them like lorises as much as vampires.