Gordon in the morning: If you have sides, prepare to split them now

Believe it or not, in the print edition of Bizarre this morning, this is the lead:

OASIS have had a few insults hurled their way over the years but CRISTIANO RONALDO has delivered the best one yet.

The ex Manchester Utd ace, an unpopular lad in the sky-blue half of the city, reckons the band aren't a patch on Latino pop singer RICKY MARTIN.

The lead story. In a newspaper's flagship column. A newspaper which people pay money for.

Okay, it's a faintly amusing thing to say, if you're still interested in an overpaid footballer and an over-rated musician having a long-distance dryhump in the newspapers.

But for Gordon? It's like the Punch Lunch has been arranged for the Algonquin:

I have nothing but respect for Ronaldo for playing ball by chipping in yet again with a put-down Mr Big would have been proud of.

To be fair "I bet Noel Gallagher wishes he'd said that" is hardly overselling a joke, I suppose.

I can't wait for James Murdoch's pay wall. Imagine: we get all this, and we get to throw coins, too.