Sunday, October 11, 2009

Susan Boyle launches the perfect gift for an elderly female relative you can't be arsed to put any thought into shopping for

Susan Boyle - yes, you do, she was the one who wasn't quite as good as those people who did the tribute to Street Dance II: Electric Boogaloo - has been busy preparing her album, ready to launch it into the all-important 'thoughtless Christmas gift lobbed into the trolley while doing a Tesco shop' market.

Sony Music are pretty bloody excited about it, as they're hoping to sell a lot of albums and it's not like they're an arthouse, is it?

Even so, the Columbia Records release is quite brief:

Susan Boyle will make her highly anticipated album debut with 'I Dreamed A Dream' out on Columbia November 24 and once again, defy preconceptions.

Really? She's not really defied any preconceptions yet - unless you believed that Simon Cowell hadn't really heard her sing and somehow still believed that the quality of your singing voice is related to how sexually attractive you look; and that seems unlikely, what with him having worked with Robson And Jerome.

This time, the "preconception" she's going after is, it appears, the one that says that not even her management would be hackneyed enough to chuck in a couple of pop covers to try and broaden her appeal a little wider:
Produced by Steve Mac, 'I Dreamed A Dream' features her signature songs, "I Dreamed A Dream" and "Cry Me A River." The album also includes a haunting rendition of Rolling Stones' “Wild Horses,” Madonna's "You’ll See," The Monkees' ‘Daydream Believer,’ and “Who I Was Born To Be,” an original recording written specially for Susan.

Is there anything uplifting for all of us to take away?
Susan enthused: "It was my greatest ambition to release an album and I have finally achieved it. There is happiness out there for everyone who dares to dream."

... and large piles of Susan Boyle albums for £7-99 for everyone who doesn't.


17 comments:

Anonymous said...

They don't need to TRY to broaden her appeal, it's world-wide.
Follow the amazon charts.
A lot of people will be eating their words.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the previous poster - Susan Boyle will sell millions around the world because she has such a huge fan base already, one most new singers would kill for.

Christine said...

This is a British blog, so it must be bash-Boyle time. It's more predictable than London rain.

Anyway, I have no idea how Susan Boyle will do in sarcastic, cynical Britain, but in the US and numerous other countries, she's already setting sales records. Her appeal is already wide and solid.

Australia just announced that she's smashing pre-order records, she's at the top of the charts in Japan, and she was number one on the US Amazon charts for a week (has been in the top 10 for over a month). All of this happened with no tracklist and no cover art.

The preconception was that she could only sing show tunes, or would only put show tunes on her CD. There is only one show tune - hence the comment. I know... it's complicated.... And it's so hard to see through that snarky cynicism, isn't it.

David said...

A vicious and stupid post. What did Susan Boyle ever do to you? What do you have against her wonderful and inspiring singing?

Peter D said...

Wonderful and inspiring my arse, she has bloody butchered, butchered, Wild Horses presented with all the emotion of those ghastly irish boys from The X Factor. Australia, Japan and The US, you keep her.

Paul Wells said...

Wait. What? You seem to be saying either that Robson & Jerome were good looking fellahs or that they had cracking singing voices. Neither of these statements compute...
A big hello to all four Susan Boyle fans!

Anonymous said...

You're right, Christine. I've never been to England, and I'm glad after how they treated Susan Boyle. We aren't perfect in the US, but we know better than to attack fragile people with disabilities.

I saw Piers Morgan on tv and he said the biggest difference between the US and Great Britain is that judges on talent shows could not just make fun of people's appearance in the US like they do in his country because the public won't allow it. I think that says a lot.

We'll be happy to keep Susan Boyle. Thank you.

duckie said...

I saw Piers Morgan on TV and he appeared to be an odious self-regarding slimeball who can't quite believe his luck at the wallet-enhancing opportunities that have been slung his way since his fall from grace as an odious self-regarding newspaper editor who published fake pictures of British troops urinating on Iraqi prisoners. So I wouldn't take too much notice of what he says, Anonymous.

simon h b said...

@anonymous 7-07:
She was beaten in the final of the talent show by a team of people doing street dance.

@anonymous 7-42:
She'll sell millions around the world because it's a gifting release. That's why it's getting an issue date now, in the run-up to Christmas.

@Christine:
More predictable than London rain? Oh, how Carol Kirkwood would be delighted if London rain was predictable - although actually it only rains on average 153 days out of the year in London.

Not sure why you'd think being able to see Boyle is a pretty good amateur singer who is being stretched beyond her capabilities is down to a national characteristic, though.

Interesting fact: Sarah Palin's autobiography is also doing well in the Amazon presale charts. Doesn't make her Mark Twain, though.

By the way - yes, I know what the press release was trying to say ("look! She knows a pop song! Isn't she multi-faceted.") I was misunderstanding for comic effect - kind of the way Cowell pretends to not really have heard the acts before they come on.

@David
It wasn't vicious - though, perhaps, stupid. What have I got against her singing? Nothing. What have I got against her so-so talent being given record company investment at a time when the labels claim to not have enough money to bring on talented new acts? A fair bit.

@Paul Wells
Oh, be fair - the one without the big shovel-face (the one who was in Casualty) has something of a twinkle about him.

@anonymous 9-19:
=====
We aren't perfect in the US, but we know better than to attack fragile people with disabilities.
======

True, that - can you imagine if Jackson had lived in Birmingham or Britney had had her breakdown in Stourbridge; there's no chance they'd have got the quiet, respectful space to cope with their problems that they found in the US.

Between you and me, I wouldn't start quoting Piers Morgan as if he was a reliable, trustworthy source.

Anonymous said...

simon h b said ----
Not sure why you'd think being able to see Boyle is a pretty good amateur singer who is being stretched beyond her capabilities is down to a national characteristic, though.
----

Yeah, the national characteristic is rude sarcasm and cynicism. Insulting and mocking instead of simply stating an opinion. You could have said you didn't like Susan Boyle's voice, you didn't think she should be given a record contract. You could have written an intelligent dissection of the take-over of music by talent-show winners/participants. But instead, you mocked. That's the national characteristic that I've seen through the Susan Boyle situation.

simon h b said----
True, that - can you imagine if Jackson had lived in Birmingham or Britney had had her breakdown in Stourbridge;...
-------

MIchael Jackson became a laughing stock after he was charged with child molestation and following numerous silly plastic surgeries. America embraced him prior to that.

Britney became the center of a paparazzi storm in the US after she ran around in her underwear, hit people in the street with umbrellas, shaved her head and refused help. Prior to that she was embraced. When her father and mother came into the picture and stopped Britney from acting out, the press began to embrace her again. You won't see any nasty, negative comments about Britney's "breakdown" or "collapse." Just a lot of support.

The fact that you lump Susan Boyle - who is just a lady who spent her life caring for her family, working for her church, performed on a talent show and has recorded a CD - with Michael Jackson and Britney, yes, that's a national characteristic that is sad.

simon h b said...

Michael Jackson's plastic surgery - and unhealthy relationship with children - were symptoms of his mental state; and the mockery of Jackson predates certainly the molestation trial and much of the more extreme surgeries.

With Britney, you seem to be arguing that nobody mocked her mental health problems before she exhibited her mental health problems - and if you believe that "[y]ou won't see any nasty, negative comments about Britney's "breakdown" or "collapse." Just a lot of support", I can only conclude you don't own a television or have access to the internet. Indeed, a commedian not doing Britney Spears jokes made the news.

I find it fascinating that you think that Britney Spears is somehow in a different class when it comes to treating people with dignity than Susan Boyle.

I also think it's a little disappointing that you were unable to grasp the original post was about the music and PR industries.

Anonymous said...

Oh my golly gosh!
Simon made folks all kinds of angry by writing a sarcastic post that involved Susan Boyle. And most of them seem to be american and yelling, "Bad Britain! No Tea!"
A most respectful newsflash: semi talented cheesy performance is and has always been popular. I'm sure she'll sell well everywhere, Britain included... for about a year. USA probably is the most politically correct and publicly proper place in the western world, but you only have to read american youtube comments or spend some informal time in an american living room to know what the americans are REALLY saying. American produced South Park was more than happy to poke fun at the Susan Boyle overhype. It's the unreasonable overhype that people are objecting, not the poor woman herself.
Btw, I am american, and I won't be buying a Susan Boyle cd for the same reasons I never bought a Britney Spears cd or a Celine Dion cd --> I don't enjoy glossy cheese that the labels have spent an ungodly amount of money on, trying to push it on me. Being slightly below average looking while having a slightly above average voice doesn't make one interesting.

Anonymous said...

My American brothers and sisters!
Let's not tip toe around the real reason Britain sucks: They tried to tax our tea!!!! And then, more recently, they stole our cultural ideas of braces and whitening tooth paste, so we can't even make fun of their teeth anymore! Next time I encounter something or someone british, I shall throw it into Lake Michigan (I live in Chicago, not Boston, so it's the best I can do.)

Disclaimer: My apologies to anything or anyone australian. I really can't tell you guys apart. No offense.

Anonymous said...

"And then, more recently, they stole our cultural ideas of braces and whitening tooth paste, so we can't even make fun of their teeth anymore!"

isn't it you yanks who have rotten teeth though, from all the pop sweets you drink/eat?

"Next time I encounter something or someone british, I shall throw it into Lake Michigan (I live in Chicago, not Boston, so it's the best I can do.)"

that must go for Boyle too then.

"Disclaimer: My apologies to anything or anyone australian. I really can't tell you guys apart. No offense."

none taken, hope you're not offended when i call you thick and ignorant for not being able to tell the difference.

ITT:butthurt PC amerifags. Protip:no-one here cares about Boyle because we're not all brainwashed popfags.

Anonymous said...

Look, it's common knowledge that in Britian, they build them up and knock them down.
No one better dare get ahead or work themselves out of their "class" unless they want to take a beating for it.
What better example could possibly be found than Susan Boyle?
She's not a drunk or druggie and no matter how hard they tried they couldn't dig up any dirt on her.
She's a fragile woman that never hurt anyone and just sang a song.
Look what they did to her, and people with little minds went along with it.
My friend lived in Britian for 7 years and told me they'd do that to Susan Boyle.
I argued with her, no way, the woman never did anything to deserve it.
Why would they try to destroy the small and weak?
Well sadly for Susan Boyle, my friend was right and I was wrong.

simon h b said...

@mostrecentanonymous

Yes, that's so typical of your friend, though: live there for seven years and then knock 'em down...

Seriously, what does "Look, it's common knowledge that in Britian, they build them up and knock them down" even mean? Common knowledge amongst whom? Who is the "they" building them up?

Boyle didn't just "sing a song": she agreed to take part in a bear-garden talent show. The producers presented a skewed version of her which both gave her traction at winning votes and also created a faux-Boyle, a fictional beast who continued to feed a storyline which the press (on both sides of the Atlantic) continued to drive. Let's not pretend that the whole "Boyle" saga is anything other than a storyline driven by the record label & management company - the same label who are now selling large quantities of an album not because she is any good, but because she is well known.

And the key detail here is that she isn't very good - not bad for an amateur singer, not bad for a mildly diverting novelty act, but not up to a professional standard. It's frankly far, far more cruel to pretend that she was a Melba-style talent held back by circumstance than to be honest with her: she was a middling contestant on a game show.

Just for the record: I have never built her up. Just wished for her own health that she'd stayed at home, or that Cowell had been a little less self-interested.

Anonymous said...

My friend had no choice but to live there, she was on business.
As for Susan Boyle, right, everything is all made up.
She lived her life a certain way for 47 years just so they'd have a good story for BGT in 2009. It was all a massive plot.
And EVERYONE is the town were actors paid to play the roll.
They sure fooled everyone, didn't they?
Please, think before you speak.
And yes, all that she did was sing a song, ok, on a talent show.
That gave people reason to beat her to a pulp?
Please, don't presume to tell me why I'd buy someone's music and I couldn't care less whose music you buy, or listen to, or why.
It doesn't sound you approve of too many people. I feel for you.

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