Pssst... Gordon... You're talking about this like it's a good thing:
MICHAEL EAVIS promised something special for Glastonbury's 40th birthday next year - and boy has he delivered.
U2 will headline on Friday night - the first time the Irish rockers have ever played the festival.
Well, at least it's good news for whoever's headlining the second stage at the time.
There's an unsourced source:
A source said: "Everyone is over the moon that the deal has been done.
"Michael really wanted a huge name for the 40th anniversary and the fact U2 have never played Glastonbury in their 32-year career only adds to the mystique."
"Only adds to the mystique"? What does that actually mean? What "mystique"?
Earlier this year Bono said of Glasto: "I know lots of people want us to play.
"It's something we're working up our whole life to do. We really, really want to do this."
What an utter politician Bono is. You've been working your whole life up to playing Glastonbury, have you? Your entire career trajectory has been designed to achieve a slot on the Worthy Farm stage? So what exactly has been stopping you hitherto? Did you have to harvest Golden apples and change the flow of a river before you could play? Or is it just you couldn't be arsed to do it for the money before?