It must be hard, not actually having any purpose in life beyond the occasional journey to kill sentient creatures, but you have to worry for Otis Ferry, don't you?
The Sunday Times fill space in the quiet period between Christmas and the New Year by allowing him to honk on for a bit:
“We’re in the middle of the biggest f***-ups in British history, the economy,” he continues, focusing his shrewishly handsome features on me and exasperatedly swinging his Converses up onto the coffee table. “The sheer shitness of our country ... Hunting affects 0.0001% of the population, and then you’ve got Cowell and some woman [Emily Thornberry MP] standing up and saying, ‘Can we have our PM’s assurances that he won’t let his government repeal the ban on hunting?’”
So, Otis believes that hunting is a very, very minor concern, and set against the scale of other challenges facing the nation, is a terrible waste of time?
So he’s glad that David Cameron, who has hunted in the past, recently said that a Conservative government would put the issue of repealing the law to a vote.
Ah, so it's a total waste of time to talk about hunting when it's talking about banning it, but a sensible priority if you're talking about repealing the ban?
Ferry seems to believe that he's some sort of martyr - convinced that the Government, for example, has had him thrown in jail because "embarrassed" at how popular hunting is. That would be the hunting which only affects "0.0001% of the population", of course.
Still, don't run away with the idea that Ferry Junior is a one-issue twit. He's also unpleasantly right-wing on other issues, too:
His mission now is “saving rural England”, he says. “We have such a magical country which is fading so quickly. I’m really not racist, but immigration is a huge issue for me ... I don’t understand how it works and hate the thought of being accused of depriving poor Mrs Punjab of her [right to come here] but we’re all packed onto this tiny island, and I genuinely believe we are maxed out. But no one is brave enough to say there are too many people in this country.”
Well, yes. I can think of one person who we'd all be better off without, at least.
I don't know how much money Bryan spent on his kid's education, but if I was Ferry senior, I'd be seeking a repayment:
“I’m not some kind of pervert,” he says. “Are you a pervert for watching a cheetah pulling down a gazelle? Are you a pervert for watching David Attenborough? Is David Attenborough a pervert?” He flips open his laptop and shows me a recent episode of the BBC’s Countryfile on hare coursing in which John Craven referred to the watching of hare coursing as a “perverse pleasure”. “No, John,” he shouts at the computer screen. “Do the f****** investigation properly!” He pauses. “I sent him the dictionary definition of ‘perversion’, but he hasn’t replied yet.”
Otis doesn't see the distinction between a cheetah killing an animal to eat and the rich son of a rock star killing an animal for sport.
You've got to love the idea of John Craven getting a letter from someone which asked him to read the definition of perversion. That's one for the plastic gloves and a call to the police department, isn't it?
You can’t ban something because you don’t think it needs to happen,” he says.
There's one last chunk to digest before we move on:
He admired David Attenborough, “but then I saw him on Loose Women and I had to turn it off because he was flirting with these fat, ugly women. I thought, this is not the David Attenborough I want to be dreaming of . . .”
What a charmer.