Gordon in the morning: Coldplay go to church

This morning - under the crunching Coldpray headline - Gordon reports that Coldplay are recording in a church. They're not, they're recording in a deconsecrated building, but it's near enough:

COLDPLAY are holed up in a dilapidated north London church crafting a new album.

The fellas only finished their latest leg of their gruelling world tour in September but they are back at the coal face again.

With all this holing-up and gruelling tours and coal faces, it's almost as if this piece was written by Clippy, the Microsoft Word paperclip. And it's not just Gordon churning through the cliches - surprisingly, even his "sources" are, too:

A source said: "The band are keen to make hay while the sun shines.

"They have hit a rich vein with their songwriting and feel more creative than ever."

... before adding "after all, a stitch in time saves nine and many a mickle makes a... many a muckle? Mickle? Mackle?"

It's hard to imagine a "more creative than ever" Coldplay. That really sounds special, doesn't it?

So why are they working in an old building?

Frontman CHRIS MARTIN is concerned the band are being seen as a huge stadium act and totally inaccessible for their loyal fans.

So he has devised a plan with rock deity Eno and bandmates JONNY BUCKLAND, GUY BERRYMAN and WILL CHAMPION to record a stripped-down, more acoustic collection in the eerie church.

Ah yes - "we're not distant, look - you can buy a record we made in an old church." That makes sense. It's like those fathers in Hollywood movies who try to pretend they're not distant parents by handing a soft toy to the kid as they fly between business meetings.

Perhaps Gordon is just easily pleased?

It could be:

OUTRAGEOUS American singer Lady GaGa nearly stole the show on X Factor - wearing horns and sitting on the TOILET.

Out-rage-ous. Or, perhaps, a clear rip-off of Ted Bovis' old "famous people on the toilet" routine.