Gordon in the morning: It's another chart battle. Again.

Gordon's column could almost be in ancient Greek this week, as the child overwhelms the parent:

CHERYL COLE is set to miss out on a No 1 this week - to the lad she steered to X Factor success, JOE McELDERRY.

There would be something ironic - after Cheryl's blubbing last week about how it's cruel to stop Joe having a number one - for Cole's own record to be held off at number two by Joe himself.

Trouble is, Cheryl's record isn't being beaten by Joe, it's being washed away by apathy:

Her second solo single, 3 Words, is absolutely tanking and she could struggle to get to No 8.

Still, Gordon's got more important things to write about. How lucky we all are that Murdoch has yet to erect a paywall around Smart telling us who he got Christmas cards from.

It's actually quite tragic, as the collection he's proudly displaying on his virtual mantelpiece reads like a wish list for a series of Celebrity Farm:

Among a selection here is one from THE CHEEKY GIRLS and another from DANNY DYER.

PAOLO NUTINI's said he hoped my footie team, Hibs, end up third in Scotland.

The Bizarre team have dressed up as Susan Boyle for their card. Any excuse, eh?