It's not just schools and gas-burning companies struggling in the big freeze - Gordon's supply of having anything to say is running dangerously low. Even the most desperate of would-be starlets are wearing longer skirts and proper coats in this weather.
Like a man sent for bread and finding a choice of Cream Crackers or Mr Kiplings Christmas Slices, Gordon is hoping that what he's got will do:
AT FIRST glance I wondered if this was LADY GAGA wearing yet another crazy outfit.
Then Star Wars baddie Darth Vader sprang to mind.
Yes, Gordon is running with this:
Woman wears hat and scarf in cold weather shock.
Actually, there is one amusing element of Smart's piece:
But guess Who's That Girl? Yep, it's GUY RITCHIE's ex MADONNA.
Perhaps Gordon assumes that the rest of the world arranges their celebrity starmap in the same way he does, with Guy Ritchie at the middle, but does he seriously think there's anyone who needs a prompt as to who Madonna is? Much less, anyone who would be going "Madonna...? The name is familiar but... oh, she's the woman who used to be married to Guy Ritchie"?