Spice Girls get to that stage

I suppose it was only a matter of time - Judy Craymer, who invented the pro-celebrity karaoke which was Mamma Mia, and Simon Fuller, the cheap knee-high boot stamping on the face of humanity forever, are coming together:

A stage production based on the Spice Girls and their music is being created by Mamma Mia! producer Judy Craymer, Simon Fuller has announced.

This is the sort of work the devil makes for idle hands.

You can't fault the logic, as the Spice Girls audience starts to shade into that period of their lives when a night out sounds more attractive if they do the sitting down and someone else does the dancing.

"This is a fairly harmless, if pointless, piece of fluff we can charge people for," Fuller told the press conference.

"Sure. I mean, even if it only runs for five days, that'll be five times longer than I'm going to have to spend slapping a few pre-written tunes into a creaky dramatic framework," agreed Craymer. "I mean, it's not like I'm Ben Elton or anything."

Oh, alright. Here's what they actually signed-off in advance:

"What Judy has achieved with her all-conquering box office smash hit Mamma Mia! and what the Spice Girls created with their powerful record-breaking mix of girl power and hit songs, has influenced pop culture more than anyone can imagine," Fuller added.

Well, he's got a point. It's why so many people spend time sobbing and sobbing when they think about popular culture.

Seriously: if you were trying to sell yourself, would you really stand up and say "between us, we're responsible for Girls Can't Catch, JLS, Tonight I'm Yours: The Rod Stewart Musical and Soapstar Superstar"? It's an act of brave honesty on a par with when Miles out of This Life told everyone he'd caused the blackout in Flash Forward.

Craymer said she planned to "create a unique celebration of the band and its music, with its own flavour and joyful message".

She added: "It is important to me that the excitement, style and humour of the Spice Girls is well represented on stage."

Yes, that's very important. Very, very important. What would the musical be without capturing the spirit of Geri Halliwell hectoring Mel C into an eating disorder?

The UK government has said it is aware of the threat, but stresses as a matter of policy it does not negotiate with terrorists.