Ha! Lady GaGa. She's ker-azeeeeeee, right, Gordon? What crazybonkersbarmy idea is she cooking up for the Brit awards? Do tell:
LADY GAGA has thrown the Brits ceremony into chaos by ditching her performance plans at the last minute.
Her plans? What had they been?
In her original plan she was due to drive on stage in a beaten-up car packed with musical instruments, wearing a "water dress" - which no one has seen - to perform a medley of hits including Poker Face.
But she's thrown the organisers into chaos - how come? Is she plotting to ride in on a unicorn with Ronan Keating's face, before turning herself into a giant pancake and flopping down on to the front row while playing Oomp-Pa-Pa on a noseflute?
[S]he has used hours of rehearsal time - which should have gone to other artists - working on a stripped-down set.
GaGa is threatening to appear on stage alone in a black leotard to sing acoustic versions of Telephone and lesser-known album track Dance In The Dark.
Cra... oh. That sounds quite sane, actually. GaGa wants to tone it down as a tribute to Alexander McQueen, which is fair enough, isn't it?
It seems a bit strange that asking to do something a bit low-key would throw the Brits organisers into a tizzy - if she'd gone from standing on a stage to demanding a magic car, you could see the problem; the opposite journey isn't really all that difficult.
Unless the Brit organisers don't think GaGa is capable of entertaining the audience without a hat shooting fireworks and a midget hidden in her britches. In which case is she good enough to be invited in the first place?
Gordon, of course, ends on a watery nothing to hedge his bets:
I think the last-minute drama only adds to the appeal of the Brits.
Really? "I can't wait to see that show as apparently there were some discussions behind-the-scenes yesterday."