Getting to know Justin Bieber

Justin Bieber - played by Chip off Kate And Allie - has been doing an online fan chat, punctuated only twice when he thought the person putting the questions was just grooming him.

It's a fascinating insight into the mind of a young boy, assuming you accept that the mind has been replaced with a box churning out instant focus-group results:

"My fans inspire me, as well as my mom inspires me and my dad and God inspires me. I've looked up to a lot of musicians, like Michael Jackson and Boyz II Men. ... I met Boyz II Men. I didn't get to meet Michal Jackson."

Funny thing is, you can bet that Jackson would have been thrilled to meet Bieber.

Asked what his three wishes of all time would be, he answered, "Well, the first wish would be for unlimited wishes because that just makes sense. And then the second wish would be for, I don't know ... to be able to fly ... just fly everywhere. And then the third would be to get rid of poverty."

That's well considered. If you're flying everywhere the last thing you'd want to do is look down and see poverty underneath you.

And when one viewer asked if he'd ever date a fan, he replied, "I think that it's whatever the situation is. If that happens, it happens."

Translation: That sounds so stalker-like, it scares the hell out of me. Not to mention girls - I mean, that's all cooties-and-stuff, right? But my PR dude says to pretend there's a chance I might date a fan one day. He reassures me there's electric stun-guns and cattle prods ready to stop it happening, but it doesn't hurt sales to just pretend.