After yesterday's unlikely suggestion of JLS being like The Beatles in America, Gordon has an even more unlikely tale of American dreams leads off Gordon Smart's column this morning:
N-Dubz move to the city of aN-gels
City of aN-gels? That's the best they could come up with?
LA-LA LAND is about to become Na Na Niii land - N-DUBZ' American dream is becoming a reality.
The story boils down to LA Reid having had a meeting with two of the band and some grown-ups last week.
Music boss Reid wants them to move to America for a full year, from this summer, so they can be completely focused on making it in the US charts.
Funnily enough, everybody in Britain wants them to move to America for at least a full year. Or perhaps Mongolia. Burma, even.
With all due respect to LA Reid - a man who knows a tax write-off when he sees one - but just a year for N-Dubz to crack the American market? It's going to take eighteen months for Dappy to work out that there's a time difference.
Gordon explains exactly what the move means:
They'll swap fried chicken in Camden High Street for cheeseburgers in the shadow of the Hollywood Hills.
Apparently this "cheeburger" of which he speaks is some sort of ground-up cowsmeat and rotting milk sandwich popular in America. Let's hope N-Dubz are fully briefed, though, and don't expect to be able to find something as uniquely British Kentucky Fried Chicken in America, eh?
Who'd have thought this trio of tearaways would be the UK's next big US hope as they boldly go where the likes of ROBBIE WILLIAMS and OASIS have failed.
Well, nobody reading yesterday's piece about JLS being the the UK's next big US hope for a start, I'd say.