You'll recall that Noel Gallagher did a flip-flop over whether he wanted to appear in court to provide a witness impact statement about how it felt to be pushed over on stage. In the end, he just sent a letter:
"I would describe the sudden impact and shock as feeling as if I had been hit by a bus," Gallagher said in his statement.
"I ended up in a heap on the floor."
People who have been hit by buses confirm that, indeed, getting smacked by fifteen tons of metal is very similar to being nudged by a drunk bloke.
"The promotional work in connection with the launch of the new album was very important to its success and early sales momentum. This opportunity was lost," Gallagher said as he described the impact of the missed appearances.
"The emotional impact it had on me was essentially coping with the pressure to perform so as not to let the band down."
It's a bit rich to blame the crappy sales of the album on Noel getting pushed over - you can see why he didn't want to come and deliver that line in person. And given this is meant to be an impact statement, "essentially coping with the pressure to perform so as not to let the band down" doesn't seem to be that much of an emotional strain - isn't that the job description?
Gallagher does say he's suffered pain as a result:
The incident, despite months of rehabilitation and doses of pain killers, has left him with ongoing pain that he is forced to "grin and bear," he said.
"From time to time I still feel painful twinges," Gallagher said in a victim impact statement read in court Tuesday.
"I have been told that I will never really recover from the damage to my ribs."
Oddly, he doesn't say by whom. And there are some doctors who say that while ribs can heal, they never heal to be as good as they were before, so Noel may very well have a point.
Outside the courtroom, there were other - equally considered - impact statements:
"I personally think that this incident is responsible for Oasis breaking up because of all the momentum that was lost," said Paul Benoit
You might think this is just ill-informed speculation, but Paul is an insider:
...who was working as a caterer at the festival the night of the attack.
Back in the court, sentencing of Daniel Sullivan was deferred again, until April 21st.
[Thanks again to Alice P for keeping us up-to-date with the Canadian court action]