Gordon in the morning: Astley crashes engagement party

Let's not detain ourselves too long on the headline on Gordon's coverage of Paul Weller's engagement:

Weller's the changingman

It doesn't make any sense at all, does it? Engaging Man, surely?

Mind you, the story itself is just as odd. It starts off sounding like it's being written by Ena Sharples:

PAUL WELLER has an extra spring in his step - he's just got engaged to a girl less than half his age.

Less than half his age? (So she must be, what, less than 64?) Is she - and I'm guessing here - also no better than she ought to be? Maybe she's a flighty one, that one.

The Modfather's fiancée, HANNAH ANDREWS, was wearing a huge sparkler on her wedding finger as they hit the shops in London at the weekend.

A huge sparkler? Suddenly we're out of Weatherfield and caught in the middle of a heist caper.

By the way, it's called a ring finger. Unless Andrews has an extra finger. Or maybe a third hand. Maybe it's a marriage hand.

If the crashing style is strange, the next paragraph gets really odd. We've heard Weller is engaged, and his fiance has a ring. Can you guess where Gordon is going next?

And Eighties icon RICK ASTLEY popped up on Sunday behind the drums for new band THE LUDDITES, at the Rose Theatre in Kingston, Surrey.

It's not just that there's no apparent link between the two stories, it's that "and", which suggests there's something that connects them - not only did Weller pop the question, but he made Rick Astley play drums.

I'm not quite sure why Smart is so puzzled by Astley appearing with the Luddites, either - given the band is called Rick Astley And The Luddites. But then 'Astley popped up with Rick Astley & The Luddites' might have just been too odd, even for this column.