Always difficult to fill a newspaper on a Bank Holiday - even if you usually just make stuff up and copy out press releases - but Gordon's really scraping around today, splashing with a N-Dubz story that combines Frazer having some of his stupid jewelery robbed:
A source said: "He's gutted it was robbed in the scuffle. It cost him a lot of money and he wants it back.
"He's too embarrassed to go to the police. It's not the way he does things."
and this side-splitting story:
Although Fazer's dispossessing episode is no laughing matter, DAPPY being "nicked" yesterday is.
As the band were about to begin a book signing for Against All Odds at Lakeside in Essex, two officers led him away saying they needed to quiz him.
Once they'd got a horrified and confused Dappy into a private room, they announced: "April Fool!"
Dispossessing episode? Had Gordon briefly forgotten which paper he was typing for?
The idea of the joke is alright - clearly a 'you had to be there' moment rather than something you'd want to tell people about. Gordon, though, can barely contain his mirth:
Brilliant. That's something I would have loved to have seen. Can the comical bobbies reveal themselves please?
Oh, yes, please do. Maybe we could stage some sort of reconstruction.
The only thing that could improve on this is a long description of an even less funny joke.
TULISA was also stitched up yesterday.
Oh. Go on, then.
On the way to the signing their tour manager rang ahead to see how many fans were there. When he relayed "only about three," Tulisa wanted to cancel the event and go home.
She didn't realise it was a prank until they saw the 500-strong crowd waiting.
Oh, how they must have laughed.
Elsewhere in The Sun today - seemingly ignoring the idea that my enemy's enemy is my friend - the paper has a go at the nanny currently suing Heather Mills for constructive dismissal. The Sun perked up when the court case mentioned some photos the woman did as part of a modeling portfolio:
Mucca Nanny in mucky pics
Mucky pics, you say, The Sun? What would they be?
Sara Trumble, 26 - seen proudly posing in undies but who also had TOPLESS snaps taken for a portfolio.
Ah, so pictures of models with their breasts out are "mucky", are they? I don't really need to finish this thought, do I?