Gordon in the morning: Booth, hiss

There's only one story in the big-box-at-the-top of the Bizarre homepage this morning, a we're at war style proposition. What can it be?

After changing out of her stage clothes into a red mini dress, Cheryl - who split with love rat hubby ASHLEY COLE in February - joined Will [Mr I.Am] in the DJ booth and didn't leave his side for the rest of the night.

The pair cuddled and danced together in full view of the other guests but were careful to keep people guessing about the full extent of their relationship.

They were cuddling and kissing but "kept people guessing"? What do you mean, Gordon? They didn't shag each other up their respective chute-holes in the nightclub?

Still, 'Cheryl and William in a DJ box' is enough for The Sun to have a punning attempt at the nature of their relationship:

Will and Cheryl have decks

'Decks'? Do you see? I suppose we should be offering up a silent prayer of thanks they didn't go with 'drops his needle in the groove'.

In other Girls Aloud non-news, Gordon senses something's up:

MORE trouble could be brewing in the Girls Aloud camp.

SARAH HARDING missed bandmate Cheryl Cole's gig to see GRACE JONES just across town.

Yes. If you don't go to every single gig your bandmate does, and choose instead to see a one-off date by a living legend, it's clearly some sort of snub. Clearly.