Monday, June 21, 2010

Gordon in the morning: Here he comes again

Gordon is - briefly - bang on the money this morning:

YOU would be forgiven for thinking that little JOE McELDERRY had slipped into obscurity after winning The X Factor last year.

Thats, erm, because he's slipped back into obscurity.

He has, however, to trudge through the motions of putting out a record, and, keen to keep the Cowell/ITV axis happy, Smart tries to pretend that this is going to be an event:
The Geordie lad is jetting out to LA to put together his masterpiece, and the wait will soon be over.

He told me he is expected to have it all wrapped up and ready for release in October.

Yes, the wait. I bet HMV are sick of people popping in like that old chocolate advert going "any news yet?" All over the nation, piggy banks groan under the weight of pennies saved in the Joe McWhateveritwas album fund.

But Gordon has more:
In an interesting twist of fate, Joe could find himself going up against his former rival OLLY MURS in the charts.

That has to be the most inaccurate use of the word "interesting" in recorded history.

Two people? Releasing an album within a few months of each other? That would be...
X Factor runner-up Olly is also due to have something out around that time. That will make for a good old-fashioned chart battle.

Perhaps, Gordon. Although a fight for the number 37 slot is hardly going to bring the camera crews running.

In other parts of Gordon's forest, there's a lot of Murdochy-cross-promotion of Russell Brand's appearance in The Simpsons. This is treated as if it's something incredible, rather than now a job which occurs shortly after your second appearance on Leno and shortly before the first invite to a Pro-Celebrity Horseshoe Toss.

Still, he's following in a long line of cameos, isn't he, Gordon?
But his latest acting achievement puts him up there with movie greats like MARLON BRANDO ... he's bagged a role in The Simpsons.

That's odd. Brando never actually played himself in The Simpsons, he was just Dan Castellaneta doing a silly voice. Why would Gordon single out Brando rather than, say, Tom Hanks or Coldplay or... hang about, what's the headline?
New Brand'oh

Oh.
And, more importantly, it secures priceless bragging rights over close pal NOEL GALLAGHER, who has only ever been yellow with hangover pain.

I suspect that simply Americans knowing who he is gives Brand that power, Gordon.