Gordon in the morning: I pity the fool who washes sheets at four in the morning

Gordon's been off the to the premiere of The A-Team, meeting the cast in London. He describes this as a "childhood dream come true". Despite, erm, these being totally different actors. Did Smart really spend his childhood going "cor, I hope one day these parts are all recast and I can get to meet people who spend an entire movie unsure if they're meant to be creating their own version of the characters or merely fumbling a catchphrase-strewn impersonation"?

Luckily, there is one constant from TV to multiplex:

IF you had told me in 1986 I'd get the chance to sit in the A-Team van, I'd have wet my Mr T bed sheets.

Wow. You must have been a nightmare, come birthdays and Christmas, if you literally pissed yourself when you were excited.

Still, it's charming to see someone so excited about sitting in a van.

How come the 'new' team have the same van, though? They've been rewritten as Iraq vets rather than Vietnam vets - saving the need for tiresome period details by fixing them firmly in the now. So how come they're using a van that's the best part of thirty years old?

While Gordon is off creating worries about tomorrow's laundry, it's left to Carl Stroud to handle the big exclusive. Which is that Derek Hough - who seems to have been downgraded from boyfriend to "pal" - is going to help look after his, erm, "pal" Cheryl Tweedy. Oh... hang about a minute:

DANCER DEREK HOUGH is moving in with pal CHERYL COLE as she recovers from a bout of malaria.

Cheryl Cole? Hadn't The Sun been calling Cheryl Tweedy since the start of divorce proceedings? I suspect the story behind the downgrading of Hough and the reversion to the married name is more interesting than anything Gordon's team has published about Cheryl in months.