Apparently confusing the showbusiness remit with being the sports pages, Gordon Smart gives acres of space over to footballers this morning.
Still, he must have something really important to share with us if he's taken that move, right?
TANNED COLEEN ROONEY soaks up the sun in Las Vegas - next to pale footie hubby WAYNE.
England ace Roo, 24, hasn't turned brown in the sun - TWO WEEKS into the holiday.
Wayne Rooney is a bit pale and has avoided getting a tan? Why, yes, I can see how that would require clearing a page for in the paper.
There's also something incredibly dull about Lionel Messi doing a fashion range which reads like the sort of thing you'd find wrapped round a freesheet with a little box saying 'advertising feature - your usual paper is inside' slapped on the top.
Naturally, there's another non-story about Cheryl Tweedy - she's ill, did you know? - as Lucy Connolly files a piece about how her management don't want her getting ill again:
A source said: "It's important now she's out of hospital her condition doesn't get worse again."
Whoever would have thought? It's easy to mock the vacuous coverage of Tweedy's illness, but without it, we'd never have had that sort of medical insight into her condition.
Last week, by the way, Gordon's empire might have shrunk slightly - the Sun's decision to axe it's "internet radio" station SunTalk looks like it will have brought down Gordon's programme alongside Jon Gaunt's.