Gordon in the morning: The pseudonymous Katy Perry

Gordon reveals how Katy Perry books herself into hotels:

STARS often use an alias when they travel, but only KATY PERRY would borrow the name of an ex-junkie hooker.

Really? Is that what she does?

The singer revealed that for two years she has called herself Jerri Blank - the tart played by AMY SEDARIS in cult US telly comedy series Strangers With Candy.

Ah. So she actually signs in with a name lifted from a cult comedy. Like nearly every star in the firmament.

In other news, even Gordon struggles to make the shitty way Dappy live sound like a crazy-wild-cool lifestyle:

A string of late-night parties saw furniture and doors ruined, graffiti on walls, work surfaces damaged and plasterwork holed. Light fittings were cracked, a toilet blocked and abandoned food left to rot, stinking out the kitchen.

You can just bet he didn't use the recycling bins properly, too, can't you?

So, what is Dappy's response?

Last night he accepted the damage had been done and added: "I've moved out and am concentrating on the new album."

So trying to put one steaming heap out of his mind so he can work on the next one.

Gordon tries to put a positive ending on the story:

He has had a series of run-ins with authority but vowed to clean up his act after finding out his long-term girlfriend Kaye Vassell is pregnant with their second child.

"You know, your first child is just like a yellow card, innit, like a warning, but when you get the second child, that's your red card, so you gotta take that serious, right?"