The rumours that Jordan is being lined up as one of the Today Christmas guest editors was rotten enough, but it now turns out that Channel Four have given their Alternative Queen's Speech slot to Dappy.
Yes, that Dappy.
Gordon, naturally, can't see anything wrong with this:
The viewing choice is bound to divide families across the the UK, with older relatives sure to stick by Her Maj.Really? Why? Because they'll assume there's been some sort of coup?
Grans will choke on their mince pies if they flick on to Camden scamp Dappy's ramblings by mistake.
It's not the first time that Channel 4 have made a clunking choice for what's usually quite a thoughtful slot - they used it to promote their buying of secondary rights for The Simpsons one year; Ali G and Sharon Osbourne have both wasted the slot, too. But this is surely the first time they've given the time to somebody barely capable of stringing a thought together.
Gordon hasn't finished his Christmas TV preview, though, as naturally The Sun isn't going to let an article go by without a cross-media plug:
Dappy and Her Majesty have further competition on Christmas Day from camp dancer LOUIE SPENCE - who I call Louise - as he'll be giving a motivational chat to Sky 1 viewers in a Pineapple Dance Studios special.Gordon: simply repeating the homophobic 'gag' that a gay man is actually a woman doesn't make it any better.