Gordon in the morning: Manford and sons

Jason Manford from The One Show - apparently it's still on - is going to rest from the show after having web sex with twelve women. You probably would need a rest after that, to be frank. It's lucky Gordon was there for him at this difficult time.

"There for him" in the sense of putting his head on a platter. When Gordon says:

The Mancunian decided to own up

- he means in the sense of "otherwise we'd have run the story anyway."

So delighted is Gordon with his story that he thinks it deserves one of his thinkypieces:

I FIRST met Jason on Xtra Factor's panel last year and we really hit it off with talk about football and families.

He chatted about nappies, his missus and the dreaded midnight feed - warning me and my pregnant wife of the madness to come.

He clearly loved his family, but also the fans' adulation. And I noticed that for the very first time here was a star utterly hooked on Twitter.

What does that actually mean? Was it the first time you noticed Manford was hooked, or any star? It can't be Manford, as you'd never met him before so the "very first time" doesn't make any sense. But if it was last year, you'd surely have seen other people using Twitter - let's not even get into the poppsychology use of the word "hooked".

Ironically, Twitter loomed large in our chat when I was with him again yesterday.

It's a shame his followers, who helped his star rise, also played a part in his downfall.

But he's not really got a problem with Twitter, has he? It's the cheating on his wife that's a problem, surely?

Still, if you ever wonder what cutting a deal with your tormentors gets you, here's Gordon sugaring the pill:

He'll be back though. His wife has forgiven him and he'll make it up to her.

His hotel room antics might have raised more than a smile. But he can rescue this situation with the medicine he knows best - laughter.

I wonder if that laughter can cure nausea, only I've got waves of it washing over me right now.

Elsewhere, Dane Bowers has been charged with crimes related to drug dealing. Which at least proves wrong all those people who thought he couldn't even get arrested these days.