Justin Bieber won't have sex without love

To be honest, I'd have thought the lack of descended testicles would have been the main stumbling block before Justin Bieber would have sex, but he's busily listing other rules:

"I don't think you should have sex with anyone unless you love them," Bieber said. When asked about premarital sex, however, he was a little vaguer. "I think you should just wait for the person you're ... in love with."

"Although having said that" he said, "if you want to get yourself started before she turns up - maybe while she's still brushing her teeth or whatever, that might be alright."

Of course, you're now wondering what Bieber might be holding it all in for:

"I like a girl with a nice smile and who's funny."

Jesus. If that's your search, Justin, Match.com will return the details of Every Woman On Their Books.

Can you be a bit more specific:

"As far as looks, my taste is dark hair."

At this, you can hear the flapping sound as his management tried to keep Biebettes of the wrong hair type on side.

"...But I don't limit myself. I like girls with blond hair too. I like everything."

Good news for old men with green hair, there, then.

So, you like everything, Justin. Does that include drugs?

"Are you curious about cutting off your finger? Do you want to know what that feels like?" Bieber reasoned. "To me, taking drugs is the same type of thing. In the end, all that happens is you get hurt by it."

Bloody hell, you'd have to be waving your hot spoon round in an erratic fashion if it took your finger off, surely?