Gordon in the morning: Woman who changes hair a lot changes hair

You could almost feel sorry for Gordon, forced to try and come up with something to say every time Rihanna does her hair:

Hair Ri go with another barnet

Almost, but not quite.

Smart struggles to find something to say, he really does:

RIHANNA has been switching barnets like I do pants.

Every second Tuesday she turns her hair inside-out, sniffs it and says "it'll do another few days"?

She must have one new haircut a week.

Oh. You were making that joke. How far through writing a 'news' story that relies on you making gags about your own skidmarks do you get before realising that there's nothing to report on?

Here she is on her way to an Italian restaurant in LA with a mop so big that kitchen staff could have done the floor with it.

Oh, Gordon is trying to find something to say about the hairdo, but... I think his attention is starting to drift:

Her low-cut top made sure she received even more attention than usual – waiters would have been giving HER tips when she's wearing this outfit.

Breasts. Yes, on safer ground with breasts. And how about some news you can use?

Yesterday the Bajan singer confirmed that her new single is ballad California King Bed.

She probably has a kip on one at home.

Even by the standards of a stretched bit of reporting, that last line is something of a classic. Frankly, if a child with a head injury suggested that as a response the release of a song named after a bed, he might look slightly sheepish about it.