Gordon in the morning: Wedding announcement

This morning, Gordon Smart announces an extra wedding in a busy schedule:

If you were thinking PRINCE WILLIAM's nuptials were shaping up to be the booziest...

Eh? Who would be thinking "you know what, I bet the bloody King Of Tonga is going to get bladdered at William's wedding. I can't wait to see how shitfaced the Archbishop Of York is that day. The Mall is just going to be a river of privileged vomit"?

...or ED MILIBAND's the "must-have" invite - you'd be wrong.

Well, yes, if you really thought that, I think you'd be very, very wrong indeed.

But what is this wedding that is going to be more desirable than - yes - even the chance to stand around awkwardly while David Miliband fields questions about how he's been this last few months?

Former OASIS star NOEL GALLAGHER and fiancée SARA MacDONALD are tying the knot in the most rock 'n' roll ceremony of 2011.

Gordon has a "source" who stresses how low key this ceremony will be:

"Noel secretly asked Sara to marry him on her birthday last October. He's not one for making a big scene. This is the man who kept his leather jacket on when his lad Donovan was born."

That's not actually 'not making a fuss', that's 'behaving like some sort of cock in a midlife crisis'.

Smart doesn't seem to have spotted that his "source" contradicts his claim that this will be the most boisterous wedding of the year; presumably if he had he'd have simply made up a totally different source.

But do continue, "a source":

"They have been living like they are married for years anyway, but now they have a family together Noel thought it was the right time to do the romantic thing."

Their first child was born in 2007, but apparently this didn't constitute 'being a family', then.

Gordon finishes with a little anecdote:

I hear he bumped into MARK WAHLBERG in Toys R Us in Hollywood the other day.

That's something that doesn't happen very often when he's getting the milk in Waitrose in north London.

Yes, I suspect he doesn't ever bump into anyone in the Hollywood branch of Toys R Us when he's in a Waitrose in a totally different country. Or did you just forget to have a sub look at that paragraph?