Gordon in the morning: Cap that

Righto, need to fill the page, need to fill the page... what have we got? Nothing, nothing... oh, here's a picture of Cheryl Cole... in an airport... hmmm... Chairport Cole? Charrival Colounge? Hmm... what else? She's wearing shorts. Shortyl Cole? Cheryl Culotte? No, none of my readers will know what a culotte is. What else? She's got a hat on... no, hang on, it's a cap, isn't it?

You look cap, Cheryl

Because 'cap' sounds a bit like 'crap', right? You've still got it, Gordon. Trouble is, she doesn't really look crap. Must pour scorn on the hat in order to stand up my story. How about sources? "Sources close to the cap revealed..." um, no, that won't work. Think, Gordon, think. Oh, how about describing the hat as a tea cosy? That'll work...

CHERYL COLE must be missing home - she's taken to wearing a daft tea cosy on her head.

The Geordie and self-proclaimed brew lover arrived at Chicago O'Hare airport after filming for US X Factor.

Oh, yes, that'll do it - does she love tea? She must do, she's from England. Does the hat look anything like a tea cosy? Hmm. Dunno. How lucky I've had my capacity for self-doubt removed. Now, what about this photo of Lindsay Lohan?