Gordon in the morning: Is this what you wanted?

So, what might a chastened Sun look like - let's pretend that they're really chastened and it isn't all a PR apology, like it really is? For Gordon, it's a future of just churning through press releases handed to him by people working in some way for ITV. So no change, then, at the Bizarre desk.

This morning it's a claim that Beyonce is watching Coronation Street:

JAY-Z's missus even shunned a night out this week in exchange for seeing what Ken and Deirdre were up to.

She hosted a dinner as a thank you to her crew for their recent hard work on a one-off special ITV show about her.

But instead of heading out on the town after their grub they all went to SIMON COWELL's luxury X Factor dressing room, where she has been holed up watching telly between takes for the show which hits screens this autumn.

Yes, it's a twofer, plugging both the station's flagships in one.

Somewhat awkwardly, the made-up quote doesn't quite map on to the story:

A source said: "Beyonce finds the accents on EastEnders really funny. She spends half the time mimicking what they're saying in her fake British accent."

Over on Twitter, a question from @chainbear:

seeing as most Bizarre editors seem to end up in quite high places in the News Int business, aren't you a bit terrified for Gordon?

I suspect that Gordon must be busily buffing up his contacts, just in case...