Gordon in the morning: It's a really basic piece

I suppose that, while his bosses struggle to cope with the fallout from listening to the private messages of the dead and bereaved, we should be surprised that Gordon Smart has managed to pull a column together at all, even one that relies on so a slim conceit as Lady GaGa supposedly enjoying the Antiques Roadshow:

Raa Raa mock tu-dar, GaGa

That would be a fairly amusing headline, if mock tudor was anything to do with antiques rather than architecture. Let's hope that someone doesn't decide GaGa likes Homes Under The Hammer, for which that headline would have worked.

A source said: "Lady GaGa is really into her antiques so British pals thought she might be interested in the programme."

Because, naturally, despite the fact that it's so well-known and successful in America that they have their own version and there was even an episode of Frasier about Antiques Roadshow, GaGa wouldn't have heard of it. Apparently.