Gordon in the morning: Everybody! Hurts!

A surprisingly lavish spread for Hurts today, who took Gordon on a two-day trip around Europe and are rewarded with breathless coverage.

Only one problem, though: while they're massive in Eastern Europe (or so they tell Gordon), they're the people behind the 164th best-selling album of last year. Sure, people who like music like Hurts, but Gordon's audience are hoping to read something about Kim Kardashian or Noel Gallagher complaining about how small Curly Wurlys are these days. How can Gordon justify RCA paying for his fabulous jaunt, and still make it relevant for his readers?

Theo, who has been seeing Alexa Chung,

Ah, that'll do it.