Gordon in the morning: Gordon at night

Gordon went to see Kasabian playing in Brighton.

THERE'S an old rock 'n' roll saying along the lines of: "You never go home from a gig humming the lights."

There is?

And yet Gordon seems to have done:

Well, if it were possible, I would have been humming all the way home after seeing Kasabian's new lighting rig in action on Monday.

It was like watching the best telly you've ever seen — a massive concave screen with spectacular graphics reacting to the thumping bass and guitar riffs.

Hats off to the team behind it. They've come up with something truly original.

Yes, his first four paragraphs are all about the lights. It's only an eight paragraph piece.

But that could be because it's Kasabian - after all, wouldn't all of us fix our stare into the lighting rig and try to ignore what was happening on the stage.

Hold on, though: doesn't Gordon love this band?

It seems unfair to mention the music second.

Well, probably not. But do tell us about it. If you must.

However, Tom Meighan, Serge Pizzorno, Chris Edwards and Ian Matthews, plus session musicians Ben Kealey and Jay Mehler, raised the roof. As always.

Their latest album, Velociraptor, is epic live. Hits like Days Are Forgotten and Re-Wired have enhanced an already brilliant set list featuring tunes that are almost ten years old.

Am I being unfair, or is this the weakest gig review ever to appear in a newspaper?

A list of the band members. A list of the session musiciains. An empty cliché. A panicked reassurance that the cliché wasn't implying this was a surprise.

The name of the album, with an empty one-word description of how it sounds live. The name of some of the songs that got played, and a confirmation that the older songs were still on the list.

Serge has never looked so confident, which might explain his feather coat, and Tom, with a slick new barnet, is on the form of his life.

The first half of that sentence doesn't actually make sense - 'because Serge looks confident, he is wearing a feather coat'. Presumably Gordon means "Serge has never looked so confident, which might explain how he thought he could get away with his feather coat" or "might explain why he felt comfortable wearing a feather coat" or something of that nature.

The whole piece reads like the sort of review that you'd file if you'd missed the gig entirely and only saw the band in the bar afterwards; given this is meant to be one of Smart's favourite bands, you'd have thought you'd get a review which was a bit more involved.

Perhaps he should have taken the night off to enjoy the gig and forgotten about being a writer.

Actually, it looks like he has.