Gordon in the morning: When Kanye goes west

Gordon brings us this morning the dreams of Kanye West:

"I was thinking about my funeral a couple of days ago."

That happens when you watch Countdown and the advert with Michael Parkinson talking about assurance pops up, Kanye.

"The people I want to be there are like world leaders."

If it helps, Merkel and Sarkozy have said they can make next Tuesday, providing it's an open casket.

Why would Kanye expect world leaders to congregate at his wake?

"Ones that say, 'Kanye gave me my first shot, he told me to believe in myself'.

"I want to affect people like that if I pass away."

Oh, bless. He's confusing Pusha T with a world leader.

Still, after the Katrina telethon he might get George Bush along for a spot of grave-top jigging.

Kanye, as you'll already have spotted, has something of a set of tickets on himself. In a totally humble way:

"When the lightbulb was invented it wasn't to stop a war.

"I'm not saying what I'm doing is the most important thing that's happening on the planet.

"But it's necessary. Just like one teacher teaching in a class."

The late Miles Kington used to create Albanian Proverbs - phrases which sounded profound at first, but turned out to be meaningless when you thought about them. Nice to see Kanye keeping the flame alive with "the lightbulb wasn't invented to stop a war".

I guess we should just be delighted that he's enough humility to accept that "making increasingly disappointing songs" isn't - quite - the "most important thing that's happening on the planet."

If Kanye believes he's like one teacher teaching a class, what specific teacher would be at his level of "necessary"? I'd suggest he's somewhere around a supply teacher covering an RE class for a group of year three pupils during a flu crisis that means most of the kids haven't turned up. Although that might still be overstating it a bit.