Gordon in the morning: Looking at U2's stools

Gordon excitedly reports on a change of direction for U2:

The Irish rock giants are planning to reinvent themselves as a boyband when they leap back into action later this year.

Gordon has, of course, promised a High Court Judge that he diligently ensures all the stories he runs are genuine, even when it looks certain that - at best - he's fallen for some sort of April Fool jape:

Bono, Larry Mullen Jnr, Edge and Adam Clayton — have been in touch with a collection of hit Swedish songwriters who helped make One Direction a global sensation.

Carl Falk, who co-wrote the Brit award-winning What Makes You Beautiful and One Thing for the teen idols, revealed the secret plan, saying: “There’s a long way to go but we are doing something with U2.”

Gordon has created a "source" who elaborates on that single "something" by, er, listing known facts about U2:

A source added: “The band are back in the studio getting a feel for new material after the last album No Line On The Horizon. Will.i.am had a credit on that and they are looking to explore that direction further. They have been working with Dangermouse and Redone They are excited about getting to work with Carl Falk.”

Obviously, Gordon would never reveal his sources, although technically there'd have to be an actual source to not be revealing before that becomes honourable.

But Gordon's big claim?

U2 fans should brace themselves for a new twist to their famous live shows – four stools and standing up during key changes.

You'd be more likely to see Noh theatre reviewed in Bizarre.