Gordon in the morning: Things that never happened

Gordon does a spot of one-hand typing this morning, as Jade Thirwall tries an anecdote:

“I heard the rubbish lorries coming and realised I hadn’t taken me bins out, so was like ‘Oh my God.’

“I ran to the kitchen, grabbed me bin bag, ran out to the bin man and gave it to him.

“He was like ‘Oi oi!’. So I was like, ‘What?’ and I looked down and I had my thong on.

“I was just in my T-shirt and a thong.

“Full-on cheeks out and everything. I wasn’t even thinking,

“I was so embarrassed and just crept back in the house. It was awful.”

"... and then I suddenly realised this wasn't actually a thing that happened to me, it was a rejected script from the Benny Hill Show circa 1973, so that was alright then. Oh, and then this bald guy came up and so I had to keep hitting him on the head..."