Gordon in the morning: Cheryl Cole and the risk register

Cheryl Cole is pulling together her first solo tour, and according to Gordon Smart, has hit a snag:

A source said: “Cheryl wants to put on a real Cirque du Soleil-style show and blow away her audience.

“She’s exchanged ideas with choregraphers and is keen to push herself to the limit."

One might wonder that if she really wants to push herself to the limit, she'd not be talking to vocal coaches rather than dance teachers. Anyway, circus tricks. Why is that a problem?

“Trouble is, that comes at a cost. The more dangerous the stunts, the more she will need to pay in insurance."

The figure Gordon quotes, and is in no way pulled out his ass, is two million pounds of underwriting. This money, once handed over, will mean Cole will be free to enter the arena on a zipwire - you know, like Anne Widdecombe on Strictly.

What is surprising, though, is that Gordon makes a joke about that time Cheryl Cole beat the crap out of the toilet attendant:

The GIRLS ALOUD star wants to fly through the air on zipwires and also perform some fight scenes.

That will bring back memories of that evening in a certain Guildford nightclub.

Given the usual pro-Cole line toed meekly by the paper, that's a bit like hearing Ed Balls say "actually, you know what, George Osborne really knows what he's doing."