Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Bunton to breakfasts

You know what George Osborne hates? Besides kittens, love, fun, poor people, tax for rich people, biscuits, people mentioning that whole thing with the prostitute and the drugs, people snickering at him, rainbows, kettles, sunsets, Nadine Dorries, wellington boots, your family and especially your grandmother, Essex, The Only Way Is Essex, Yazz doing The Only Way Is Up, D:Ream, space travel, combination padlocks, bicycles, the noise cars make when you lock them with a remote control, Keith Lemon, bitter lemon, Lemony Snicket, children, mittens, The Sound Of Music, creme brule, Delia Smith, southern Austria, that strange slurping noise Iain Duncan-Smith makes when he drinks tea, the M6, pay and display parking meters, rubber-soled shoes on polished floors, floor polish, floors, flaws, whores, s'mores, horses, men called Kevin, women called Kevin, cross-dressers, Welsh dressers, old maids, liebfraumilch, the way cows' eyes just stare at you, people who won't let him forget the time he got on a train and sat in first class without the proper ticket, eggs, dinosaurs, dinosaur eggs, Nick Clegg, Nick Rhodes, John Taylor, Roger Taylor, the other Roger Taylor, The Tailor Of Gloucester, Gloucester, Doctor Foster, Steve Foster, foster parents, Meet The Parents, Meet The Press, napkins, Nat "King" Cole, coal, Coal Miner's Daughter (the song AND the film), the Song And The Story with Isla StClair, Isla StClair, Linda Blair, Tony Blair, Lionel Blair, Give Us A Clue, I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, Sorry I'm A Stranger Here Myself, There's A Ghost In My House, ghosts, toasts, celebrity roasts, Julian Huppert's beard, the face Vince Cable pulls when he's thinking, Dele Fadele, cartoons, the back seat of Volvos, Bogshed for changing their name from The Amazing Roy North Penis Band, shops that sell artisan bread, artisans, breads, shops, Tony Benn, Big Ben, Ben Dover, Long Dong Silver, Nate Silver, maths, calculators and more kittens?

Besides that, George Osborne hates shirkers. Especially people who lay abed of a morning, with the curtains pulled. He'll be delighted to hear, then, that Emma Bunton won't be one of them, as she'll be getting up early to co-host Heart's breakfast show with Jamie Theakston in the new year.

UPDATE: We've just been told George Osborne hates Emma Bunton.


Robin Carmody said...

If Gideon hates horses, then that politically justifies the fact that I love riding, even with all the sub-Marxist doubts I often have about it ...

James said...

I hear he particularly hates those horses that you see with their blinkers on in the morning while the rest of us go to work.

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