Gordon in the morning: Gordon in the yesterday morning

Well, a big night last night for British music. I expect Gordon Smart's showbiz page is bubbling with news and excitement from the O2.

Let's have a quick look:

Emili Sande is going to close the Brits? Harry Styles was out late the other night? Isn't that... well, yesterday's news?

Yes, the showbiz editor's flagship column from the UK's biggest-selling daily title has responded to the Brits by... sleeping in.

The Sun does have coverage, just elsewhere across the site. Which might not matter overmuch, but... didn't the Bizarre column specifically co-sponsor one of the prizes last night?

It falls to Alison Maloney to try and capture the spirit of the event:

TAYLOR Swift dressed in a wedding dress to perform at the Brits – after an uncomfortable night listening to gags about ex Harry Styles’ love-life.

There's absolutely no evidence at all that Taylor Swift's night was "uncomfortable".

There's precious little evidence of "gags", either, come to that. Maloney bravely chronicles the supposedly rollicking moments:

Harry hid behind his programme as the host told him: “Sharon Osbourne is here, Annie Lennox is here. Who have you got your eye on?”
[...]
Introducing Nick Grimshaw, the Gavin and Stacey star said: “He’s the man who ordered a stripper for Harry Styles’ 19th birthday – which meant that, for a moment at least, Harry saw a woman with her clothes on.”
[...]
[Sharon Osbourne] said: “Where is that little Harry Potter boy? I want to see if he’s got his magic stick? That’s his willy.”

As Maloney was typing these in, did it occur to her that the best of them fall short of wit by quite a distance? In fact, ITV could have saved itself a lot of time if they'd simply flashed "Harry Styles has passed puberty" on the screen.