Yesterday morning, we saw that Gordon Smart hadn't got round to updating his online column with any news from the O2. Today, we discover why - it wasn't torpor on Gordon's part. No, it was the Brits themselves that was torpid:
The opportunities were there to make the night less bland but nobody has been sacked, arrested or gone to hospital — so well done everyone.Ooh, sarcasm.
It's not entirely clear what Smart means by "the opportunities were there" - on the day of the event he was getting excited at James Corden prepping for the show by having a little snooze, which is hardly a curtain-raiser to a modern bacchanalia.
Smart seems mostly convinced that - like a bad party - it'd have been totally different if some other people had turned up:
The Rolling Stones never showed up, and if they had they should have closed the show.... and if they had, they should have played Jumping Jack Flash, and if they had, they should have had a giant robot on stage, and if they had, they should have had the robot shoot lasers from its eyes in time to the drums, and if they had they should have made those lasers set fire to Paul McCartney...
Really, the idea that very old men playing very old tunes in some sort of tax-efficient coda would have stirred things up a bit is sweet, but unlikely.
Well, The Stone Roses missed out on a nomination in the Best Live category despite entertaining 500,000 people last summer in fields up and down the country.That's a fair point, you would have thought that The Stone Roses should at least have turned up on the shortlist.
But it's not obvious that Ian Brown, even had he won a prize, would have spent the evening before his 50th birthday (yes, really) throwing bread rolls at the audience.
Sadly, some of the personality has been lost along the Thames on the way from Earls Court to the cavernous O2.Oh, yes. How we long for the old days of the intimate Earls Court. Nowadays, the Brits are held in the massive O2, with its capacity of 20,000; how happier we were when they took place at the snug 19,000 capacity Earls Court.
One of the reasons for the show becoming safer and - yes, blander - Gordon doesn't consider is the need to run an event which reflects warmly upon the sponsors. Giving of prizes is something which should be underwritten by marketing departments of multinational corporations will always lead organisers down a safety-first route.
Remind me again, Mr Smart - what was the newspaper column which was amongst those corporate sponsors?