Seriously, who cares about the VMAs any more? MTV doesn't even show music videos, unless they happen to be being shot by someone in their never ending poor/rich/Amish/drunk constructed reality shows. I mean, thinking that the VMAs in 2013 are somehow culturally relevant is to show you don't really understand the modern world at all, right?
The VMAs, though, provide MTV and the Mail with the same thing, though: a little bit of content with women wearing push-up bras. Or no bras at all.
MTV is thrilled by it:
Miley Cyrus is queen of the twerkThe Mail, of course, is shocked:
To get an idea of how terrible the VMAs are, you don't even have to worry about the winners: the categories themselves scream "executives who think they're still young". For what it's worth, here's the winners:
Video Of The Year: Justin Timberlake, MirrorsJustin Timberlake? Bruno Mars? Sheesh.
Best Female Video: Taylor Swift, I Knew You Were Trouble
Best Male Video: Bruno Mars, Locked Out of Heaven
Best Pop Video: Selena Gomez, Come & Get It
Best Hip-Hop Video: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton, Can't Hold Us
Best Rock Video: Thirty Seconds to Mars, Up In the Air
Best Collaboration: Pink and Nate Ruess of Fun., Just Give Me a Reason
Best Video With A Social Message: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Mary Lambert, Same Love
Best Song Of The Summer: One Direction, Best Song Ever
Artist To Watch: Austin Mahone, What About Love
Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award: Justin Timberlake
Best Direction: David Fincher for Justin Timberlake's Suit & Tie
Best Visual Effects: Capital Cities, Safe and Sound
Best Choreography: Bruno Mars, Treasure
Best Art Direction: Janelle Monae featuring Erykah Badu, Q.U.E.E.N.
Best Cinematography: Macklemore & Ryan Lewis featuring Ray Dalton, Can't Hold Us
Best Editing: Justin Timberlake, Mirrors
Best Latino Artist: Tr3s
You might have spotted that 2012's awkwardly-named "most share-worthy artist" category has been quietly dropped; the suspicion was that was a made-up category to give One Direction a prize.
At least that hasn't happened this year, with the Direction getting, erm, "best song of the summer". Yes, it's a category that hasn't happened before, and will never happen again, but it's in no way a made-up thing to reward the band for turning up to the show. In no way at all.
One last footnote: the Mail lists all the winners of the awards. Except for the best Latino artist, with Tr3s' category mysteriously not making it onto the paper's list.