Katona cancels; loses battle

Tonight, there was meant to be an 80s v 90s face-off in Blackpool, but Kerry Katona has pulled out after realising she couldn't remember the words to the Iceland commercials ("after an incident-packed week at home").

This means the 1980s wins by a walkover. The 80s were pleased, telling local reporters that they felt honour was restored "after what Atomic Kitten did to The Tide Is High". The decade will now go on to face down One Direction, with a special focus on One Way or Another.