Bono: The emergency exit shouldn't be an exit, and that's an emergency

Even inanimate objects can't stand Bono. As if having a giant mechanical lemon whose doors failed to open when they should wasn't humiliation enough, now his plane doors are opening when they shouldn't:

The rear hatch of the aircraft taking the U2 lead singer from Dublin to Berlin was missing when the aircraft landed at Berlin Schonefeld Airport on Wednesday.

In some places, like the Daily Mail, this is being touted as some sort of near-death scrape for Bono:

Bono cheats death after private jet door falls off: U2 singer 'extremely lucky' after plane's tailgate becomes detached during flight to Berlin with four friends

That sounds scary, although let's not forget that in newspaper terms the Mail Online is less a paper of record, more one of those tablecloths you get at Romano's Macaroni Grill that the waiter writes his name on in crayon.

Because, as CNN reports:

The ground crew discovered that the hatch was missing shortly after the aircraft landed at 12:26 a.m., 11 minutes after it blew off, Freitag said.

So was this a chilling moment when the people on the plane saw their lives flashing before their eyes (Bono's would have been directed by Anton Corbijn, obviously)? Not if nobody noticed until, after the plane had landed, someone turned up to carry the cases off the plane and realised they didn't need to unlock the door.

Still, I'm really pleased that no harm came to Bono. Can you imagine how grim Saturday's Band Aid Rehash session would have been if it took place under the shadow of a Bono who had fallen to earth and simultaneously ascended to heaven? I'm betting that rather than assign it to somebody else, the whole track would have fallen silent for the duration of "tonight, than God, it's them instead of you".