Ariana Grande against rabies controls

Clearly, Ariana Grande never saw mid-80s Saturday night drama The Mad Death, otherwise she might not be quite so blasé about trying to bring her dogs to Britain.

Not that we're suggesting Grande's dogs would necessarily be rabid, but after P&O refused to let her take the dogs on a ferry, she certainly was. A hapless P&O official tried to explain to her that without the proper paperwork, her dogs wouldn't be able to get into the UK, and... well, Grande isn't used to hearing no, it turns out:

"I begged him to let me go through, he laughed at me and said no again... I kept telling him and showing him again that the dogs were fully vaccinated and were 100% vaccinated in order to enter the UK and then, I screamed!!!," she wrote.

"I had done every ridiculous task he demanded of me... and at this point he said he would call the police and have me arrested if I tried to go through... I told him to call them and to arrest me, because that was the only way I was not getting on the ferry."

Grande doesn't seem to understand how boarding ferries even works from this, but it gets worse for Ariana, as having challenged them to arrest her, they took her at her word. Suddenly, Ariana is getting what she asked for, and she still isn't happy:

She said that after running back on to the tour bus with the dogs, "suddenly, the bus driver appeared and said that there were men outside the bus to arrest me"

"I collected myself, took a deep breath and ran out yelling: 'Take me away with the dogs and I will sue you for abuse and harassment'... I told them that they were wrong, they were targeting Americans, they were abusing their authority... they laughed....

"At this point, one man in a yellow jacket said to me, 'If you take the dogs, when you arrive in Dover, they will be killed!' ... I actually thought I disengaged from my body as tears started streaming down my face, and I felt as if I were losing my mind!!! I told him that they would have to kill me first and we would see what the US embassy would say about that."

"Mr Ambassador? Sorry to disturb you in the middle of the night, sir, but the British Customs people have shot and killed Ariana Grande. Yes, sir, it's a Code Streisand. Shall I do a quick find-and-replace on that statement we prepared the last time Mariah Carey visited?"

Fortunately, a vet was found in Calais who was able to process the proper paperwork, and the American embassy didn't have to face such a nightmare scenario; Grande and her dogs were reunited, and nobody at all had to face this sort of thing:

The most shocking aspect of this horrifying affair? Ariana Grande was catching a ferry.