Gordon in the morning: When life gives you Lemons

It might be hard to believe, but I'm given to understand that the NHS has failed to put A&E teams around the country on stand-by, despite Keith Lemon "guest editing" Gordon Smart's column this morning. And yet, surely, there will be an influx of split sides, right?

The idea of giving a newspaper column to a one-note comedy character, with a prepubescent interest in giggling at women's breasts in lieu of a punchline was never going to be a good idea, and look what it's resulted in: He's invited Keith Lemon to do some pieces for him.

I think you can imagine what it's like.

Gordon in the morning: Lemon

It turns out this morning that Gordon doesn't even recognise a photo of himself:

Gordon, you've confused yourself with Keith Lemon - it's easy to tell the difference: Keith Lemon is a made-up character, with a childish obsession with women's bodies and a pathetic tendency to fawn around celebrities, whereas Gordon Smart uses his real name.