Spotify wants to help you discover music, just like everyone else

Spotify has announced new features designed to help people "discover" music, because that's apparently something people have difficulty doing. MusicAlly explains how it works:

The new discovery features include a Follow tab to help users follow individual artists, celebrities, music experts and other users, and also a Discover tab designed to significantly improve Spotify’s recommendation features, suggesting new music based on users’ habits. Users will also be able to build their own “collections” on the service, adding albums to an online collection rather than having to save them to individual playlists.

So it's not really a tool to discover new music, just yet another way of shovelling more of the same at people.

"Hey, Coldplay fan - have you heard Keane? Hey, Oasis fan, have you heard Ocean Colour Shitting Scene?"

God help us all.

Meanwhile, the company claim they've not got five million people paying them for their service, and that they've written cheques for $500million - 70% of revenues - since they started. These are big numbers when viewed from this end of the street; it's only when that money gets split between hundred and thousands of rights holders that it sounds a bit less impressive.

And, in the latest round of digital refuseniks capitulating, they're bringing Metallica to Spotify. Yes, that's Lars Ulrich and Napster demon Sean Parker reconciled. It's not clear what good Metallica's ten year battle against modernity did them.

Lars Ulrich proud of what he did in the Napster wars

It is perhaps a cruel trick that Congress has yet to strike a medal in recognition of what Lars Ulrich did to Napster. He's proud of his work.

At first, I was assuming he was taking credit for helping push the kids off the crumbly old Napster service into the arms of distributed, harder-to-track, peer-to-peer filesharing; or even laying claim to some of the applause for the Pirate Bay. But, no, it does turn out that he thinks he, Metallica and the Music Industry won some sort of battle:

“I am proud of what we did, and what we stood up for,” he says, although admitting that the band faced criticism for its actions. “You have to give props to the other side because they did run a brilliant campaign, and they did portray me and Metallica as being greedy rock pigs and luddites who were completely behind what was happening technologically.”

That's, erm, because you were a little bit ludditey, weren't you? And perhaps 'greedy' is unfair - 'unwilling to adjust to a new economic reality' would be closer to the point. Which, actually, was what the luddites were all about - they weren't anti-technology so much as against what it meant for their earnings.

I'm sure at some point Ned Ludd gave an interview, shouting above the sound of a thousand machines churning away in the rooms behind him, saying how he made the world a better place by destroying three or four specific looms. "You've got to hand it to the loom-machine manufacturers, they did a pretty good job of portraying me as some sort of Luddite... which, to be fair, I suppose I am. But I'm proud that - through my actions - they had to build another, better, faster loom to replace the one that I broke."

Lars Ulrich becomes the sort of person Lars Ulrich wants locked up

Who is illegally downloading Metallica records?

Lars Ulrich, it turns out:

“I sat there myself and downloaded ‘Death Magnetic’ from the internet just to try it,” he said. “I was like, ‘Wow, this is how it works.’ I figured if there is anybody that has a right to download ‘Death Magnetic’ for free, it’s me.”

Ulrich and six of his friends supped on a bottle of wine at the drummer’s house and used an unnamed file-sharing client to download the album, which was released last September.

“We found it - this was like two or three days after it leaked. I was like, ‘you know what? I’ve gotta try this.’ We sat there and 30 minutes later I had ‘Death Magnetic’ in my computer. It was kind of bizarre.”

It's not clear if Lars realises that while he was downloading his record, it was also being made available for upload, and that he was, in effect, illegally sharing his own record - using the RIAA "like stealing CD" metaphor, that's "helping thieves carry pinched stock to their getaway car", of course.

Let's hope the RIAA turn up and drag him through court - if "it was my daughter, and I have no money" fails to melt the RIAA hearts, "but it's my record" will merely elicit hollow laughter.

[Thanks to Gary W for the link]

Lars Ulrich offers to destroy memories, second band

Lars Ulrich has offered his services to Deep Purple, should they wish to reform:

"I know there's talk about the fact that if they got Coverdale, Hughes, Lord and Blackmore together, they would have four members who aren't in the current DEEP PURPLE — then they just need a drummer. I'll volunteer myself for that," Lars laughed. "If they need a drummer, David Coverdale has my number."

Lars, sweetheart, Coverdale threw away that napkin as soon as you left the restaurant. Oh, sure, he might pretend he lost it later - "I tried to text you or something, but it never went through, and then I ran out of credits, and... you know, I lost the piece of paper with your number on it and... really? You poked me on Facebook? I... uh, probably haven't seen that yet... um... gotta go...." Whatever you might think, David Coverdale doesn't have your number.

Metallica: It sounds alright to us

The grinding complaints and counter-complaints about the quality of the sound of the Metallica album continues. Now Lars Ulrich has waded in, telling people who've complained they should ignore the evidence of their own ears and accept that they're wrong:

Rick Rubin's whole thing is to try and get it to sound lively, to get it (to) sound loud, to get it to sound exciting, to get it to jump out of the speakers. Of course, I've heard that there are a few people complaining. But I've been listening to it the last couple of days in my car, and it sounds fuckin' smokin.

Isn't the heart of the complaints that it doesn't sound exciting?

Still, Lars can't ignore the complaints from the fans. There has to be a reason for them, right? Hey... you don't suppose it's your old nemesis The Internet, do you, Lars?

"The difference between back then and now is the internet. The internet gives everybody a voice, and the Internet has a tendency to give the complainers a louder voice."

How much happier we all were when people who had complaints had no voice and had to just shut up and swallow it down, eh, Ulrich?

I'm Metallica. No, I'm Metallica

Writ-happy lo-thunks Metallica are suing another band who decided to call themselves Metallica. Now, while we assume the non-fan-hating new Metallica were having a bit of a laugh, and they know they're, technically in the wrong, but the Most Humourless Men In Rock have gone in totally heavy-handed, threatening to sue them for lots and lots of cash. Why? How much could an artprank Metallica have cost Lars, seriously?

We wonder if the band are aware there are three Metallicas on the Band Registry at the moment - one plays metal; another - in a direct challenge to Lar's band - plays 'sucky' music. Now there the consumer could get confused.