Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Gordon in the morning: How would this have worked if One Direction had won?

Gordon has handed the obviously staged kiss "caught" by photographers to Richard White to "report" on:

The show winner, 27, chatted intimately with ex-S Club Junior Stacey McClean hours after single When We Collide hit the top spot.

Matt - often told by show judges "You made that song your own" - kept smoothing
Stacey's hair as they spoke at London's May Fair Hotel.
This, of course, is a genuine thing that really happened, and not an attempt by his managers to try and shift the impression that Cardle is about as thrilling as a cold cup of coffee in a queue at St Pancras.

Although the thought that anyone would recognise Stacey McClean without someone handing out copies of her CV to the paparazzi does seem a little unlikely.


Unwanted format: The Playbutton

A few years back, there was a brief vogue for chunky little plastic boxes which, when you hit a button, would play a song. I've got vague memories of them being offered in McDonalds; certainly, they were considered to be kiddies' toys.

Somewhat surprised, then, to see the idea being resurrected by a company pushing something called PlayButton:

The Playbutton is a digital music album in the form of a badge, providing album artwork that you can wear. Pin it to your lapel, plug in a pair of headphones and you can walk down the street displaying your musical taste as you listen.
Now, you could say that's perhaps a bit of a curious idea as a gimmick; knock a few of these out as part of a marketing campaign and it'd be a bit of a laugh, right?

The truth, though, is that they're thinking of it as an actual format. To sit alongside CDs:
"It's a small object, perfect and immediate, that you can hold in your hand," says Nick Dangerfield, founder of the New York-based Playbutton company.

Mr Dangerfield says he came up with the format in response to a widespread feeling that people were "tired with CDs", but finding digital music downloads "not entirely satisfying".

"I thought about giving a new use to digital files by putting them in a dedicated player. It's an iconic form that gives you the chance to show your affiliation," he says.
People aren't "tired of CDs", though, are they? They're buying downloads because they're more convenient. You don't see people in HMV... well, you don't see people in HMV at all, but if you did, they're not saying "I'd really buy a record, but these circles of plastic are so derivative. If only there was some ugly badge thing I could buy instead."

Seriously, the idea that it's somehow going to be attractive to buy music in a format where the music can't be transferred to another player, which can only play the ten tracks over and over again and - oh yes - you can't shuffle the order of the tunes:
Mr Dangerfield thinks the sequencing of an album is about "surrendering control to the artist" and that something important is lost when we have the power to rearrange its track listing.
Yes. The power to not have to listen to rubbishy filler that has been dolloped on the record in order to stretch an ep-worth of idea into a lp-worth of a sale.

So, this latter day eight track should at least have the benefit of being cheap, right?
Mr Dangerfield thinks the ideal price would be $15 (£10) if bands sold them at their gigs, but the price could be up to double that, "depending on the type of release and sales channel".

"It's up to the artist to decide how much they want to charge," he says.

Isn't that pricing the Playbutton too high? Mr Dangerfield thinks not.

"If you say to people, 'It's an MP3 player and it's $25,' they say it's cheap," he says. "But if you say, 'It's an MP3 player and it's already got a good record inside,' they think it's expensive."
To be honest, I don't believe that anyone would say "$25 for a 256mb mp3 player? That sounds like a bargain", and it's not much of an advert for your product to say that as soon as anyone puts music on the thing, its perceived value drops like a stone.

Surely music bullets must be on the cards for 2011?


Not Forgot-Ten: March 2010

After Yoko took a big cheque from Citroen, it fell to Sean Lennon to explain how it was all about legacy and not merely shaking Lennon's corpse until the coins fell out. The PRS splashed away money intended for its members on a pointless survey. Money better spent was that the BPI used to charm Liberal Democrat peer Lord Clement Jones, who inserted the BPI's wording into the Digital Economy Bill. God help us if the Lib Dems ever get in government, eh?

The latest idea to try and fight file sharing? An attempt to create a moral equivalence with drunk driving. Yes, that'd work. Almost as good idea as EMI's bid to flog off the back catalogue to save itself.

It turns out JLS have a five year plan. They'll think again once they start shaving. Clearly, though, the idea of a JLS condom range was never going to happen - they're a preteen's band, right? And for people who have trouble sleeping in a ditch, Amy Winehouse signed up to produce a fashion range to let you get her look.

Public Enemy's attempts to crowdsource album funding fell flat. Pink Floyd sued EMI for allowing people to decide to not spend money on songs they don't want. Money that could be spent, for example, buying Pink's breath in a bottle, which you could keep safe with a Bonnie Prince Billy bottle stopper. Or, if you had a spare half a million, you could have a body like Rihanna. Or piss it away investing with Bono.

In a desperate attempt to remove any interesting music programming at all, MTV closed MTV2.Having spotted that 6Music was popular, Ed Vaizey did a total u-turn and suddenly called for its saving. The Economist proudly announced that iXtra and XFM were "similar", presumably because they both had X in their name. Radcliffe And Maconie were cut by a quarter, not offset by the one night revival of the Evening Session.

NOFX confirmed they didn't really hurl piss at the SXSW audience. Sri Lanka said they didn't want anything Akon might hurl at them. Erykah Badu was definitely not trying to stir up press coverage by rubbing naked bits on the Grassy Knoll. Not at all. No.

Format of the month: The iTunes LP, sinking beneath the waves.

Mark Owen turned out to be human after all. Graham Coxon turned out to be a bit of a bullying git. Florence Welch and Gang Gang Dance came to terms. And Kelly Osbourne tried to stop a dog fight.

Split: Janes Addiction (again). Returning to music: Molly Ringwald (no, really). Quitting after this one: Miley Cyrus. Reuniting: The Libertines.

Barbara Walters worried that she might have put the idea in people's heads that Ricky Martin was gay. That, and not, you know, his being gay. Mike Joyce was busily trying to put the idea in people's heads that there was much more to him than being in The Smiths.

Sony dropped Jedward. It doesn't seem to have sunk in yet.

This month, Lady GaGa was overcharging and being sued.


Monday, December 20, 2010

Jedward redeem their entire existence

I have ground my teeth, finer and finer, over the year as Jedward - or the Two Chicos - have refused to go home.

But their reaction to Florence and The Machine during a 'songs of the year' thing at the Guardian almost makes me forgive them:

Yeah, she's good. We've got two signed albums at home. And yes, it's a really, really good song. Universal's really pushing her to be really big. To be this big global artist. Will she meet their expectations? No.

That's quite amusing. Let's just hope they don't go and say or do something so irritating it sets my teeth grinding again...
John and Edward Grimes (Jedward) star in Nintendo's new TV ad campaign and are ambassadors for Dragon Quest IX on the Nintendo DS.
Excuse me, I must to a dentist.

[via @andymalt]


Gordon in the morning: Suddenly spinning Jackson's corpse in the opposite direction

Ooh, I wonder who rang the Sun and had a word? After last week's fair enough bit pointing out how poorly the new "Jackson" album is doing, today there's a piece tacked on the end of a story about Mat Cardle which looks like an attempt to try and make it sound like a great sale:

Michael, the King Of Pop's new album, got to No4.

It's MICHAEL JACKSON's biggest-selling album in terms of opening week sales in the UK since Dangerous in 1991.
Yes, but that's only because it's Christmas week and people are buying gifts - and because everything since Dangerous was either a repackaging or stillborn. There are going to be so many people opening packages on the 25th saying "oh... thanks, Gran... you remembered I loved Michael Jackson" and swallowing back the words "when I was six years old."

For a rotten album, it's an alright sale, but proves once again that by the time he died, his place in the entertainment industry was closer to Ripley's Believe It Or Not rather than Presley.

The article is a bit strange, too, as - despite being published "today" - it's speculating that Matt Cardle might be Christmas Number One. Despite, erm, the Christmas Number One having been announced last night.


Cricket approach wicket with all you can eat download service

Cricket, the US mobile operator whose popularity is roughly on par with that of the game of cricket in the states, is plotting a ComesWithMusic style all-you-can-eat download service.

It looks like it's only going to be available as part of a bundle with unlimited voice, text and data, which might help with apparent take-up figures, as on its own it's not much of a service: DRM-wrapped music files that you can apparently only store on your phone. So unlimited by number, but severely limited as to how you can use them.

Oh, by the way: it's called Muve Music. Yes, but what do you expect?


Not Forgot-Ten: February 2010

Jack White took on the American Air Force for not asking before the service used a tune in a recruitment ad. Soundscan was accused by Cheap Trick of flogging data it shouldn't have to major labels to let them undermine self-released stuff. Google wiped a swathe of music blogs off the internet but, obviously, not in an evil way. Perhaps that might satisfy Kasabian, who decided that the internet has ruined music.

Noel Gallagher, of Chalfont St Giles, applied for planning permission to build a gazebo of some sort.

Warners got angry that having music paid for by advertising didn't treat the "artists" with "respect". Not like churning out best ofs and dumping acts who don't recoup does. Talking of respect, EMI's Guy Hands doesn't honor his mother and father with visits, as that might affect his tax status. Legally, he's a tax avoider. And if you can't remember the difference, tax dodgers don't pay their tax illegally, tax avoiders just don't pay tax unethically.

Courtney Love was invited to the Oxford Union to share her... well, for some reason. Status Quo went to the Palace to pick up their OBEs and beamed from ear-to-royalist-forelocktugging-ear. The BPI invited Peter Kay to host the Brits, with the expected results.

Ministry Of Sound might be turned into flats and EMI suggested they might flog off Abbey Road.

Feargal Sharkey stomped his foot after a signed piece on the Culture Show had a different point of view to himself. And by "himself" these days, Sharkey tends to mean the whole of UK Music.

Elton John tried to make a subtle point about what Jesus taught us, but it ended up being reported as saying Jesus was gay.

Although the BBC Trust announced that it didn't think 6Music should close, the network wasn't out the woods yet, as it became clear management were going to close them anyway. Over on commercial radio, Akon launched a regular show on Capital by axing his regular show on Capital.

A bad case of overheating knocked Spotify off the internet for a while.

Billy Bragg staged a protest outside the offices of RBS while one of JLS got into trouble in a branch of Currys. Kittie wished people would stop treating them like they were teenagers.

Deciding that doing an interview with Playboy wasn't douchey enough, John Mayer took the opportunity to announce that his penis was a white supremacist. Having made a Canadian court rearrange all its dates, Noel Gallagher decided to not turn up at his attacker's hearing after all.

Q fell behind Mojo while This Is Fake DIY went paperstyle.

Revitalised: Buggles. Returning: Dubstar.

This month, Lady GaGa abandoned her water dress for a tribute to McQueen.


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Ice ice baby

Vanilla Ice is, apparently, on the shortlist for Dancing On Ice. Although, sadly, he isn't the "Ice" upon which the dancing will happen.


Paramore split. A bit.

Paramore have lost forty per cent of their workforce, in the sort of downsizing which makes Eric Pickles reach for the lotion bottle and his special sock.

The brothers Josh and Zac Farro have quit, although somewhat confusingly they appear to have "put in a request to leave" two months ago. So they must have been working out their notice, then, like they were on an insurance call centre team.

That the band is confident of continuing without a drummer might give the impression that it's almost like the music bit of Paramore doesn't have a great deal to do with the front end.


Spotify concede they might not make it to the US this year

Given that it's December 19th, and even Santa is thinking about taking next week off, it's probably no surprise that Spotify have said 'you know what, we might not hit the launching in the US 2010 deadline'.

It's now not going with a launch date for America at all, just saying that it's coming. Possibly quite wise.


Madonna prepares to sweat

The idea of Madonna starting up the machine that's been churning out horrible music for the last few years is enough to cope with on a miserable Sunday. We all could have done without this mental image:

"Its official! I need to move. I need to sweat. I need to make new music! Music I can dance to."
The thought of Madonna having her typing minion fire up Facebook to announce that she's preparing to gush sweat from whatever pores have survived the flesh cauterizing processes she's been through fair puts me off my cheesecake.

Perhaps she's obliged to issue a warning, as it also functions as a statement of intent to start eating the monkey glands of younger, more interesting artists:
"I'm on the lookout for the maddest, sickest, most bad ass people to collaborate with. I'm just saying"
Did you catch that at the end? That's what young people say when they're "chatting" on their "text phones" or "Twitting" through their "Faceybooks".

Madonna's search for the sickest people to collaborate with has been successful; she's spending Sunday at the Royal Leamington Spa General on the acute ward. Miss Ivy Doodleson, 86, tells reporters "we're just going to jam and see what comes out of it, although the gentleman who had a jews' harp didn't make it through the night, I'm afraid."


Not Forgot-Ten: January 2010

http://xrrf.blogspot.com/2010/01/spice-girls-get-to-that-stage.htmlThe BPI was caught trying to actually write legislation rather than relying on the British tradition of buying a politician lunch on a yacht in order to alter laws. The new, legal, ignored Napster tried floating the idea that free music wasn't very good. The legal sledgehammers being aimed at Oink resulted in a not guilty verdict.

Pointless new format: MusicDNA, a download "file that is extremely searchable and can carry up to 32GB of extra information".

Discovering it couldn't really persuade Miley to keep her breasts covered much longer, Disney announced that Hannah Montana was coming to an end. And the chart people declared indie guitar music dead.

Myleene Klass said she'd been warned by police after waving a knife at intruders, and then the story fell to pieces. Not as quickly as all the press stories about heroin being the cause of the Blur split, which were quickly yanked after legal intervention.

After a less than stellar 2009, Morrissey decided to dump his manager - perhaps a new oversight to his career might save him from wandering into racism scuffles, yes? Meanwhile, Bono firmly endorsed the idea that there's a right to pollute which can be bought or sold while the BBC admitted it had over-endorsed U2. Iggy Pop introduced a comedy sidekick self-referential puppet to his awful insurance adverts.

Liam Gallagher started manifesting as a giant flaming head. Perhaps that was a portent warning of Perez Hilton and Simon Fuller joining their forces. But if working with Hilton keeps Fuller away from making his Spice Girls musical, maybe even that has its plus side.

The Sunday Express proved it didn't know much about Twitter or the BBC. Music Week came to the iPhone, setting the sort of over-inflated price its target readership would love to be able to get away with. Beyonce found herself quite unable to turn down the equally silly money on offer to play a private gig for the Gadaffis and Los Angeles taxpayers sued the corpse of Michael Jackson to get the cost of policing his memorial launch show back.

Jonathan Ross said he'd leave the BBC, which worried Gennaro Castaldo more than it probably should. ITV came up with Pop Star To Opera Star, taking people who sing for a living and putting them in a crazy position where they had to sing for a living.

A puzzled Olly Murs couldn't work out why Robbie Williams hadn't been back in touch since The X Factor finished. Perhaps he should try giving Dappy his number, although given Dappy stole a phone number of a critical caller to Radio One and started issuing death threats, maybe he shouldn't.

Over on radio, Kiss cut its specialist programming back even further while XFM announced - with the help of science - that Mr Brightside was the best song ever. Ever. Commercial Radio decided it didn't want to make a fuss about the Haiti Earthquake. Steve Penk complained that Chris Evans' breakfast show was being promoted on the BBC while his programme on North Norfolk Digital or whatever failed to get a mention on the Andrew Marr show. Although Penk did get a lot of press coverage when he played Van Halen's Jump as a severely depressed human being stood on the edge of taking their own life.

Given that all they're really known for is their viral videos, you have to admire EMI's decision to bar Ok Go videos from being used viraly. Let's not rush to embrace the internet too wildly, eh, EMI? Back in the 21st century, http://xrrf.blogspot.com/2010/01/you-too-can-have-your-song-in-rock-band.html">the Rock Band franchise plots to allow bands to upload their own songs into the game.

ContactMusic happily accepted that Biffy Clyro was a Welsh astronaut. Everyone else had nodded when told Van Morrison had become a father, but that turned out to be even shakier than the idea of Welsh moonshots. Guy Ritchie decided he could run a record label with his pub house band as first signings. Nobody stopped him.

Reunited: Swans. Reopened: The old Factory offices, as a nightclub. Remaining split: System Of A Down. Merging: Ticketmaster/LiveNation.

IPC told a copyright court hearing that they were just about to launch a digitised version of the Melody Maker archive. Perhaps they're still choosing colours or something.

This month, Lady GaGa was pretending to be an inventor for Polaroid.


Saturday, December 18, 2010

Gordon in the morning: Cardle imagines having sex with Rihanna

Gordon has let Matt Cardle fill up the Bizarre space today. A slighty too-old cardigan-wearing man looking uncomfortable in his surroundings. And now he's been joined by Matt Cardle.

Matt churns through how fame won't change him:

"The thing is, you don't want to be a complete slag. I've never been a complete slag - I just thoroughly enjoyed myself."

Er, righto.

Then he reveals he'd take viagra to have sex with Rihanna:
Matt said: "You'd have to do a bluey with her. It's one of those situations you think, 'I'm not risking it'. With really good looking girls, the pressure's on."
What a gentleman, eh? "You're so beautiful, I'm going to have trouble sustaining my erection without pharmaceutical assistance."


Experimentalobit: Captain Beefheart

Sad news coming through this evening, as the death of Captain Beefheart has been confirmed.

There can't be anyone who ever listened to the Peel programmes on a regular basis who remained ignorant of the work of Don Van Vliet, even if not everyone was entirely convinced. Trout Mask Replica was the sort of album that boys who couldn't get girlfriends steadfastly but erroneously believed was a cure for, rather than a symptom of, their girlfriendless status; a testament to a time when both artist and audience put a bit of effort into records.

Beefheart was 69; he died from complications related to MS. His death was announced earlier this evening by one of the galleries that had exhibited his more recent work as a painter.


Friday, December 17, 2010

Your digital download may or may not work

The BPI and Sharkey's UKMusic claim they wants to develop legal music downloads, and they love a bit of campaigning for changes in the law.

Here's a cause they could actually usefully get behind: at the moment, if you buy a digital download, you've got no rights if it doesn't work. ConsumerFocus - about to be part of the Liberal Democrat Tory shuttering of useful and valuable public services - thinks that isn't right:

Philip Cullum, deputy chief executive of Consumer Focus, said: "It's crazy to have a situation where someone who buys music on a CD has the legal right to a refund if it doesn't work, but someone who downloads the same music does not. Consumer laws on buying digital goods, whether it is streaming films, or downloading music and software, need updating to reflect the reality of 21st-century life.

"The UK should be striving to be the best place in the world for digital consumers. Giving consumers better protection when they shop online and making it clear exactly what they are getting when they buy digital products will also help boost this growing market."
It's an obvious idea, a simple change, and hard to see any objections. It's also achievable, and would improve the experience for people buying stuff.

But, hey, let's throw away cash trying to catch pirates instead, eh?

[via @beltain35]


Aretha Franklin unravels her illness

Maybe it's just me, but I'm finding something a bit unsettling about Aretha Franklin's slow reveal of the details of her medical condition:

Music legend Aretha Franklin tells a national publication that she soon will reveal what prompted her recent surgery at a Detroit hospital.
Aretha, you don't have to tell us. If you want to tell us, fine. Just don't turn it into a freaking striptease.

What do we get in eight weeks? "My first is in throat, but not in groat..."?

Mind you, she does seem to be on strong painkillers:
Franklin told Jet magazine that friends know she is "a lot more than the girl in the pink Cadillac on the Freeway of Love who also sings about Respect" and that they have prayed for her "without ceasing."
She does seem to have abandoned talking for just stringing together songtitles, although the crowbaring in of one of the better songs at the end suggests she isn't entirely adept at it yet.


Gordon in the morning: The only thing better than a bra is a bra removed

It must be amazing if you're, like, twelve: Gordon is all excited by the two Lady GaGa gigs in London.

On Wednesday, it was almost too much:

The previous night she stunned gig-goers at the tiny O2 Academy2 Islington on Wednesday night by performing unannounced in her bra.
Clearly, the sight of a lady's bra rendered Smart incapable of shaping a sentence with any degree of elegance.

But imagine! Lady GaGa in a bra! Whatever could be better than that?
GaGa No Bra
Yes, the next night she wore an outfit which didn't have a bra underneath.

It should be stressed that Gordon isn't locked away in a small room remembering seeing a woman in a bra:
Many over-excitied female gig-goers stripped down to their underwear in tribute to the singer's first appearance as well, witnesses said.
Yes, there wasn't anyone from his team there.

Gordon was at the bigger, mainstream date. Look, here's most of the review:
Before the song she cheekily said: "I read the list of journalists earlier and I know you don't wanna review this show you just want to get drunk and have a good time."
That's so harsh, Mrs GaGa. They want to see some flesh too, you know. Those 'outrageous' headlines don't generate themselves.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

Biffy Clyro react to being wrapped in Cardie cover

Biffy Clyro's drummer, Ben Johnston, has ruminated on Matt 'Warm Cardie' Cardle's cover of their song.

What deep thoughts has he had? What conclusion has he reached?

He called Cardle's cover "an X Factor version of the song".
Yes. Well spotted, Ben.


Gordon in the morning: The sycophantic slags all say 'I knew him first, and I knew him well'

Gordon Smart clutches the sides of his chair in shock as America turns its back on the rotten faux-Jacko album:

AN album of unreleased tracks by the King Of Pop would be expected to shift a huge number but MICHAEL JACKSON's new disc is struggling.

Michael has failed to make the Top Five in the US - the first time that's ever happened to one of the late star's albums.
Is it that unexpected, though? Jackson hadn't bothered to release a proper record since 2001, and while that still shifted, it was clear that interest in records that actually had Jackson on was dwindling; why would you expect people to be spending cash on a record that had dubious parentage?
Sony will be very disappointed. They signed a £128million deal with the Jackson family in March, giving them rights to his unfinished material.
Oddly, this sort of stupid decision is never mentioned when the BPI wails about how hard it is to turn a few quid in the music industry.

It's good news, though - perhaps now the songs that were never going to see the light of day can be left where they are.


Unlicensed filesharing unbothered by music industry efforts

The BPI have issued one of their panicked reports claiming that the roof is falling in:

Illegal downloading in the UK is growing, with around 7.7 million people choosing not to legitimately buy their music online, according to new figures.

A report suggests that more than 1.2bn tracks were illegally downloaded last year, costing the retail industry £1bn.
That's the BBC version of the report, straightfacedly accepting that a file downloaded without pay equals a lost sale.

It's worth thinking about this with last year's PRS report into how well and fast the UK music industry is growing as a background, and that it's an industry worth over £3bn. Does anyone really believe that without unlicensed filesharing, there'd be an extra billion quid in the industry?

Of course not.

While it's likely that the availability of free alternatives has meant some marginal customers have taken their money elsewhere, there's two things we've learned over the last decade and a half. The music industry can't stop the marginal cost of tracks dropping to near zero, and all their efforts so to do have probably cost the labels more than they would have lost if they'd just accepted their business had changed and dealt with it.

Instead, here we are, on the cusp of 2011 - nearly a decade since the Pyrrhic victory that closed down Napster - and we're still getting the BPI trying to find a way to return us to 1994:
"It is a parasite that threatens to deprive a generation of talented young people of their chance to make a career in music, and is holding back investment in the burgeoning digital entertainment sector," [BPI's Geoff] Taylor said.
So, Geoff, is the sector being ravaged by "three quarters" of all music being "stolen", or is it "burgeoning"? It can't be both.
Earlier this year the BPI reported that music sales in the UK had grown for the first time in six years.

It said that legal downloads had boosted sales, rising by more than 50% to earn £154 million, compared with £101.5 million in 2008.
And it looks like "burgeoning" is what it is.

More to the point, after fifteen years of consistent reports from BPI saying pretty much the same thing, shouldn't we by now be looking at a music scene completely empty of new bands, new songs, new thrills?

Taylor ends with a plea for more legislation. The BPI always think that what is needed is more unenforceable legislation. The trouble is, with the bunch of turnips sitting in Westminster at the moment, they might get their wish. More time, money and effort trying to buck the marketplace. It'll still fail, though.


Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Google wanted Spotify

Remember what Google did for YouTube? Now, imagine if it did that for Spotify. And it nearly did, says Business Insider, until internal strife meant the idea was dropped.

The Goog was also interested in buying the really-more-or-less-defunct Rhapsody service, too.

Instead, they're going to concentrate on their music locker service, which sounds a lot less exciting.


Embed and breakfast man: Joanna Newsom

From last night's Letterman - Joanna Newsom doing On A Good Day:



[Buy: Have One On Me]
[via The Audio Perv]


Gordon in the morning: Stars in their eyes

As you'll know, Simon Cowell is dragging the X Factor format to the US (or doing American Idol under a slightly different name so he can keep even more of the cash).

But who to have on the panel?

Gordon thinks he knows:

Simon wants a huge name
Well, yes. He doesn't want to go on American TV with the equivalent of Kylie's sister, a woman out of a hair advert and the bloke who seems to have grasped that it's pantomime but not that he's the dame.

So, who is he after?
He has already tapped up ROLLING STONES lord MICK JAGGER
Gordon then abandons any further mention of this approach, to focus on this bit:
...and is now after NOEL GALLAGHER.
Noel Gallagher is hardly "a huge name" in America, though, is he? One fairly large selling album in 1997 doesn't really make him well known beyond a few smartly-dressed young-ish people in the big cities. The sort of people who know his name will also steer clear of The X Factor.

If Cowell is chasing Gallagher, it's going to be on the same basis that he inflicted Piers Morgan on the Americans - nobody knows or cares who he is, but he has a funny face, a funny accent and can create comedy insults. Sure, they might be related to wit in the same way a clawhammer is related to fretsaw, but many Americans find it difficult to tell Are You Being Served from George Bernard Shaw.


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Gennaro Castaldo Watch: Cardle'll go far

The Belfast Telegraph wants answers:

So what does the future hold for the Essex painter [That Cardle bloke who won the X Factor]? Will he be hung out to dry like McElderry, Brookstein and 2007 winner Leon Jackson, or will it be a smooth finish like Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke?
They could refer to this handy venn diagram to find out the answer to that question:
Instead, they turned to HMV's head of steadying the sinking ship, Gennaro Castaldo:
HMV’s Gennaro Castaldo doesn’t believe Cardle, who previously sang with indie rock band Seven Summers, will go the same way as Ward.

“With his distinctive voice and down-to-earth blokeiness, the key to his success is that he appeals to fans of all ages and backgrounds,” Gennaro said.

“Most importantly, he’s not seen as some kind of saccharine, manufactured pop star, but a credible performer who’s likely to go down just as well on a festival stage as he is on a television variety show.

“With good guidance and the right material, recording a Biffy Clyro track for the Christmas number one is an inspired choice, for example, Matt has every chance of becoming a really huge and established star, particularly as there’s a gap in the market for a successful male solo artist.”
The most interesting aspect is the way that Castaldo suggests that Cadle has recorded "the Christmas number one", but there's much else to muse on here. Isn't part of the reason there's a "gap" for a "successful male solo artist" because Brookstein, Elderberry and Jackson flopped like drunks wearing sandals running through a polished hallway of banana skins?

And the idea that the "unmanufactured" Cardle just needs "good guidance" is just bemusing - his strength lays in his not being part of the pop machine, so he just needs the machine to point him in the right direction?

Look, I know at the moment Castaldo's employers are so desperate to flog something - anything - they'd try and talk up the chances of a Su Pollard best-of, but clearly Cardle has the same X Factor as all the other solo male artists who have won the singing contest. That's X, where X = rapidly diminishing charm and a fast journey back to the late shift at Frisco Burger.


Gordon in the morning: Tinchy Stryder advertises mobile phone shop's range of tablet computers

It might look like it's an article in which a man says he might record a record on a iPad, but really, it's an advert for a store which sells iPads. No wonder The Sun isn't behind a paywall; they should be paying us to read their advertorials.


Monday, December 13, 2010

eMusic try to recast themselves "irreverent" outsiders

How better to mark a massive skewing of your catalogue towards the major labels than launching a counter-intuitive campaign stressing how non-mainstream you are.

Sure, there's nothing in itself wrong with The Roadshow, which films some bands playing live.

It's just the way they're talking about it, as Hypebot records:

Today [eMusic] launched a major branding and ad campaign designed to differentiate itself from iTunes by (take a deep breath...) "delivering irreverent and engaging experiences that capture the essence of music discovery".

Developed by flavor of the moment creative agency Sarkissian Mason and hot media firm TargetcastTCM, the campaign uses "humor, passion and knowledge" to appeal to "serious music fans".
Filming Best Coast doing a gig isn't especially irreverent, nor humorous. And it's not really a "discovery", as surely all right-thinking people already are a little bit in love with Best Coast?

It's a solid-enough campaign. 'We've got some artists who are well-liked but still early enough in their career to appreciate a few quid from our marketing budget, and we hope people will like to come and look at them'. Why pretend that this is somehow cocking a snook at convention?


Gordon in the morning: The shine is going off JLS

You know you're being overexposed when even Gordon's slavish coverage starts to get waspish. JLS might want to think about taking some time off:

Speaking at yet another Nintendo Wii Mario Kart promotion in central London, Aston said: [...]
The amount of promotion the lads have done for Wii, they've got to have shares...
Even the photo caption is yawning and saying 'you again?':
Yet another promo ... JLS
It might only be twelve months after everybody else, but finally The Sun is catching the general disenchantment with the slim talent-to-appearances ratio.


Sunday, December 12, 2010

Bye, Lyrebirds

Brighton's Lyrebirds have split. Or, more precisely:

We're sorry to say that we have decided not to carry on as a band anymore....
It's possible they might be carrying on as a crime-fighting gang, or a team running a cakeshop.


Megadeath visit the graveyard

This is so awful, it's compelling. Megadeath's David Ellefson "pays tribute" to Bon Scott by wandering round his grave like it's MTV Cribs, before losing interest and yakking on about Crocodile Dundee's hat instead.



Some by-the-numbers Australian cliches? That's what Bon would have wanted, right?


This week just gone

The ten most popular stories so far this month:

1. Johnny Marr bars Dave Cameron from liking The Smiths
2. Jack White creates scarce releases, puts them on eBay, blames fans for his profiteering
3. The charts are all posh now
4. Heather Mills claims iTunes work as her own
5. Shaun Ryder threatens to have critic murdered and raped
6. Hucknall apologises for not being able to keep it in his pants
7. Watch: Jolt videos
8. Grammys 2011 shortlist
9. Mute goes indie again
10. Gordon Smart wins 'best journalist' poll

These were the scanty new releases worth looking at:


Joy Division singles 7" vinyl box set



Sufjan Stevens - All Delighted People


Download All Delighted People



Deadmau5 - 4x4=12


Download 4x4=12



Adam & Joe - Song Wars Volume II


Download Song Wars Volume II



Shugo Tokumaru - Port Entropy