Gordon in the morning: JLS have a five year plan

Quite brave of JLS to come up with a five year plan - after all, when puberty kicks in they might change their minds.

Anyway, Gordon Smart - or the Official JLS News Agency, as his column has become - has the details:

JLS to Beat Again, again, again, again & again

Oh no - their mums are going to be so angry having to wash all those sticky sports socks. JLS are gonna be in big trouble.

Oh, it turns out that's not what they're planning:

Each November until 2015, the lads intend to release a new album and announce an arena tour for the following winter.

Let's hope they haven't already booked the MEN Arena for January 2016. I hear getting a deposit back on that place is a nightmare.

In other unlikely claims:

Pixie's A Lott Like Brigette Bardot

No. No, she isn't. Apparently, sitting in the same position as Bardot is enough to fool Smart into thinking they look alike.

Still, that's a clever headline. Lott. You see? Because it's her name, and it's a word that means "many" or "much". I can't think why Smart's not used that before.

Pixie’s getting Lotts of offers

Oh, he has.

Pixie’s Lotts of love but no sex

More than once, it turns out.

Pixie: I’m up for a Lott of awards
Pixie looks a Lott different
Pixie's throat hurts Lotts
Pixie has Lotts of fun on 19th
Pixie wears a Lott less in LA

Not that he's always quite so unsubtle:

Pixie has a lot of specs appeal

See? no extra 't' there, so you had to think about it. Hang on a moment, though... specs appeal? That... that sounds like...