No Rock And Roll Fun

WHAT THE POP PAPERS SAY: THE POST-POST-GLASTONBURY EDITION
"I didn't have sex with a woman until quite late. I thought I was gay" announce Chris from Coldplay on the cover of the new Q. Erm... do you want to tell him, or shall I?...

quickly, quickly, onto the nme, which has Liam on the cover - could they not find something nicer than a man who looks like a head-injured chimp wearing a potato sack? - and the shock claim that Oasis In A Park was even better than the last Oasis In A Park...

this claim is backed up by the news pages when 75% of people who were coming out of the gig at the end were asked. These people also believed Heathen Chemistry to be their best album to date. It's really a little bit like asking people leaving the Tory Party Conference at the end of the last day if they seriously believe that Iain Duncan Smith is a plausible potential Prime Minister. The NME spreads the gig thinly indeed - front page, three pages of 'news' coverage and a four page colour pullout in the middle. You have to wonder why: the band only managed to shift 200,000 copies of their own album; why expect them to add extra sales to the nme?...

other news - is it just me, or do you all get worried when bands describe their new singles as "awesome... vintage" and best ever? This time, its the Manics claiming their return to the path of righteousness is about to happen [forever delayed is released in october]; ozzy dolls hit the market; Michael Eavis claims that "as a whole the village found [Glasto] much easier this year - they're a lot happier with it than they've ever been" - you wonder how the 200 people rampaging through the village and the numerous break-ins managed to win the people over; and why they chose to show their contentment by having an often hostile public meeting shortly after, don't you?; theres two pages given over to the results of a drawing competition set in February - so, really slow news day...

on bands: weird war - royal trux and make up breed, have babies, eat them; thisgirl - emo from sheffield (like blues from southport?)...

hey! there's still some pages to be wrung from Glastonbury - here's some pictures taken by coopertempleclause and lost prophets. They both take the sort of jolly holly snaps that you would (i.e pisspooor)...

Japan. Only that can save us now - Boredoms, anyone? They - snark - once were going to blow up a cow on stage. And - whew - used *construction tools* as *instruments*. So far, so KLF meets Einsturdene Neubaten. And, erm, thats as far as it goes, actually...

so, forget Japan. Only Liverpool can save us now - The Hokum Clones, Tramp Attack, The Coral, the Mountaineers (erm, aren't they from Wrexham?), The Zutons, The Bandits, Danny Conors and the Crescent are all cited, and this time, they've got it right - despite what they'd like you to believe, the Lomax and the Picket don't mean shit to the people who actually make music in the city - it's great to see the Zanzi, the Masque and the Brewery get the attention they deserve. But then you turn the page, and there's an advert for Space's Greatest Hits Package...

that ultrasound spin-off minuteman are here - they'll save british rock from the US invasion by, um, wearing jeans and goatee beards and, um, playing nu rock... oh...

always a delight to spend some time with wayne coyne. flaming lips bloke reveals that Yoshimi, the girl who fights pink robots is actually a metaphor for... um, a girl. who fights pink robots...

reviews: albums - yoshimi battles the pink robots - flaming lips ("yet another benchmark", 8); space - greatest hits ("be warned - wrinkled noses are your long term reward for defining an era", 7); red hot chilli peppers - by the way ("not stupid. and, remarkably, not uncool, either", 8); weevie stonder - drawing on other peoples heads ("entertaining experi-mentalism", 7); pixies - pixies ("little more than a curio", 5 - and on cooking vinyl, too, we note)...

sotw - the streets - weak become heroes ("rave proust, no less"); also up - the coral - goodbye ("thankfully shanty-free"); beyonce knowles - work it out ("the record the faithful Kelly and the confused Michelle have been dreading for years"); primal scream - miss lucifer ("between breathtaking and breathtakingly daft"); beth orton - concrete sky ("vaguely trendy and quite nice")...

live - yeah yeah yeahs at the royal festival hall"a s much fun as is permissible under local byelaws"; nerd in shepherds bush ("already an expert live act")...

finally, angst has more on glasto - a letter from Neil Sharma of Accrington reports that he felt safer at Glasto than ever before. Erm, until he had to go to his car at 1am, when security wouldn't allow him to go out of the gates because of "in the stewards' words 'riots' going on just outside the fence..." Still, the villagers seem to have loved it, so that's okay, eh? Maybe we'd forgotten - fences don't just keep people out, they keep people in. Would it be too cynical to wonder how upset the traders and sponsors inside the ground are that people are being actively encouraged to not leave during the festival?