We know he's a big bloke...

But, sometimes, the truth just has to be told. We believe that streaming albums before release over the web is a handy way of allowing people to sample the wares when deciding to buy, and can often turn a waverer into a purchaser. However, when Vinnie Jones does it with his new album, Respect, it's sole purpose is presumably to kill of any of the last interest that may reside in the project.

His voice is so weedy and rubbish, we can't start to work out how anyone actually decided that getting him to sing at all would be a good idea; much less why they decided to ask him to have a crack at such tricksy classics as Dock of the Bay and - oh, sweetgwen - Minnie The Moocher. By about halfway into the collection, Vinnie seems to twig that he's not going to hit any notes anyway, and so just makes do with rasping the words out as blandly as he can in the hope that it'll all be over soon.

At least with Christmas confections like the Eastenders cast singalong albums, the effect of many voices bellowing tunelessly suggests a party atmosphere someone's tried to recreate on record. With Jones effort, it's like listening to a neighbour singing while ironing his trousers prior to the golf club Christmas party, unaware he's serranding the entire block.

Hi Ho Silver Lining seems to last for the best part of fifteen minutes. And how did Jools Holland end up on the thing? And how, how, how, did it get released? The Queen's not wrong when she says there's forces we don't know about at work...