Tuesday, August 19, 2003

I HAVE BOOBIES, TOO: Charlotte Church trying to set herself up with 'sexy new image' - like the concept of Aled Jones in a posing pouch, isn't it? Trouble is, of course, the only thing she really had going for her was that air of the illicit, wasn't it? Since she came of age, she's just become another round-faced girl with an not-awkward past (singing for the Pope, indeed) - Bonnie Langford without the air of mystery; the Lena Zavaroni with a well-stamped Starbucks card, and so we're set for further car-crashes as she flails about trying to find some new schtick. Her record company says "she's moving in a more hiphop direction" which is so far, so Posh/Mariah/Christina; although in Church's case, it's even more meanignless - more hip hop than church choral music? Even Steleye Span were more hip hop than her old output. Chronology has robbed her of that barely-legal nudge-nudge aspect; she's clearly sick of knocking out religious stuff. So, what will you do, Charlotte? Besides putting on a wonderbra and adding "guest vocals" to some garage track here and there?

You're a woman, not a girl. You're not forced to sing the songs your mother made you trill. So... erm, what exactly do you do? Hurry up with an answer, we've got Mylenne Klass on the other line.

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